Friends and Lovers
by LEYTONALWAYS
Summary: AU Leyton Story, about Friendship, Love, Heartache, Drama, a mixes of everything Better summary inside. Couples in time will be Leyton, Naley, Bruilan.
1. Monday September 14

**A/N: Okay, I know, you what you guys are thinking. Stop with the new stories in update you're other ones. I promise I'm working on them right now. I do promise to have another update for Beside you through it all, very soon. And for Finding Love Again. As for the other ones, I'm having a bit of writers block. Nothing I write seems to be working so I'm not to sure when they will be update Soon I hope. I'm seriously trying. I'm so sorry for be a bad updater. **

**Anyways, I have a new story, again. It Leyton AU, Duh!. Most of my stories are. Well this is a little different, it is about friendship and first loves and heartache, and all that drama. Couples in time will be Leyton, Naley, Bruilan. **

**Summary: Okay the setup is kinda weird, Julian and Peyton are best friends. Julian is head over heels and Love with Peyton. But Peyton has eyes for Lucas. So that means Julian went to Tree Hill with the rest of the group. Expect Brooke who will be moving to Tree Hill soon. Lucas in Julian do not like each other you will understand more as you read. Okay I really don't know what else to say, So stay with me it will make sense as the chapters go on. I promise. **

**Let me know what you think.**

**Cindy.**

* * *

Friends and Lovers

Chapter one

Monday, September 14

Julian Baker waited by his locker impatiently, wondering where she was.

For as long as he could remember he had been best friends with Peyton Sawyer, but now that they were Juniors in High School his feelings were beginning to change...

That's why we had asked her to meet him before class. So he could ask her out.

A minute later he smiled as he saw her running towards him.

"Julian!" Peyton called out as she reached his locker. "You'll **never** guess what happened last night!"

"What?" Julian asked with a smile.

Peyton's green eyes lit up. "Lucas asked me out!"

"_Lucas_?" Julian repeated in dismay. "As in Lucas Stuck-Up is my middle name Scott?"

Peyton rolled her eyes. "You know he's not **that** bad."

"Who's not that bad?" A voice behind Peyton asked.

Both Julian and Peyton turned to see Lucas standing there holding one hand behind his back.

"Never mind." Peyton said, giving Julian a warning look, before turning her attention to Lucas

"What do you have back there?"

"What? This." Peyton asked, as he produced a single red rose and handed it to Peyton with a sweeping bow.

"For you Mademoiselle."

Julian gritted his teeth as he watched Peyton's eyes light up.

"Lucas! That's so sweet." She gushed, smelling the rose.

Julian watched with Lucas with distrust.

He knew Lucas Scott's reputation with girls, he romanced them and then discarded them without a thought. He didn't want that to happen to Peyton.

However, she was completely clueless and leaned over and gave Lucas a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you."

Lucas smiled and took her hand. "You're welcome. Can I walk you to class?"

"Of course!" Peyton answered, then she looked over at Julian. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." Julian answered glumly, wondering why Peyton was so blind. Lucas Scott was scum.

"Why can't she see how good we'd be together?" He whispered. "Is it because I don't lay the charm on extra-thick like Lucas Scott?"

He sighed. He should have seen this coming.

He had known that Peyton had a small crush on Lucas, after all he had caught her watching him across the cafeteria few times. He had also seen Lucas checking her out a couple times when Julian and Peyton had been hanging out at .

Still, he had never thought that Lucas would actually ask her out. After all, she wasn't the type that he usually pursued. And even if that had happened, he would have thought that Peyton had more sense. Everything was so mixed up. He never would have seen any of this coming, but he should have. He should have asked Peyton out sooner.

Just then the bell rang, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Damn!" Julian exclaimed, slamming his locker shut and walking towards his class, wondering what he was going to do about Peyton.

* * *

At the same time Brooke Davis was staring at her mother in horror.

"We're moving to Tree Hill?" She asked in shock.

Brooke's mom looked at her daughter with sympathy. "Yes honey, we are. I have a great job waiting for me."

"So?!" Brooke exclaimed. "Then you go, have fun I'll stay here"

"I don't think so. I want to move."

" But I don't!" Brooke yelled.

"I know." She said with a sigh. "But can you give it a chance?"

"I'll try." Brooke said, making a face. "But this means I'll have to start over in a new school."

"It'll be fine Brooke, you'll fit in perfectly."

"I hope so." Brooke said, though she didn't really believe it.

* * *

**Okay People, I know it short, I'm sorry for that. I promise to have the next update soon, maybe tonight. Please reviews and thanks for reading.**


	2. Thursday October 14

Friends and Lovers

CHAPTER 2

Thursday October 14

A month Later

It had been an entire month since Lucas had begun pursuing Peyton and watching the two of them together made Julian sick. _Why can't Lucas just move on to the next girl, like he always does?_ He thought bitterly, then he felt ashamed of himself.

Peyton really liked Lucas and would be devastated if he dumped her.

_But I could be there to pick up the pieces._ Julian thought as he tried to get some homework done. Just then the phone rang.

"Hello?" He answered with harshly.

"Julian?" Peyton asked hesitantly. "Is something wrong?"

"Of course not." Julian told her quickly. "Just Algebra."

Peyton laughed. "Of course, I should have known. Do you want to hang out, just the two of us?"

"What about Lucas?" Julian asked a tad bitterly.

"Basketball practice." Peyton answered. "It goes until five thirty, so I thought that the two of us could hang out. You know watch a movie?"

"Alright." Julian agreed. "I'll be over in a minute."

"Great." Peyton said and then she hung up the phone.

Julian hung up his end and stood up. "Maybe if we spend the afternoon together, you'll see how much better I am for you than Lucas."

* * *

Peyton was waiting for him when he arrived . Julian was surprised by how much colour she was wearing. Peyton usually stuck to black, but looking at her Julian realized she had been wearing a lot of colour for the last couple weeks.

"You look great." Julian told Peyton, taking in her peach colored stirrup-pants and matching tank top with blue and white flowers embroidered on the stomach. "Peach, wow. I don't think I've ever seen you wear peach before."

"It's no big deal." Peyton said with a shrug.

Julian sighed, betting the no big deal had something to do with Lucas.

"Well, you still look great." Julian said sincerely.

Peyton smiled. "I'm glad you think so. Oh, by the way... How would you like to go to Tric?"

"Just you and me?" Julian asked with interest.

Peyton shook her head. "No. A friend of Mom's just moved here from California and she has a daughter our age. Mom wants me to show her around and introduce her to people. So I thought the four of us could go to Tric."

_**Four**_, Julian thought bitterly, _that means Lucas is part of the equation._ "Of course." Julian answered with what he hoped was a believable smile. "What's her name?"

"Brooke Davis."

"Any relation to Victoria and John Davis?" Julian asked. " 'Cause they're friends of my parents. Although I can't remember when the last time we saw them was. I think they have a daughter named Brooke."

"That's her." Peyton told him. "Victoria's the friend of Mom's, they went to high school together, lost touch over the years. Find each other again on facebook." Peyton laughed.

"And you're mom said, facebook was for the young people"

"I know, now I can't get her off it." Peyton smiled, as they both shared a laugh.

* * *

Brooke stood nervously on the doorstep of the address her mother had directed her too. This was a bad idea. What if the daughter of her mother's friend hated her? She took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.

A minute later a good-looking girl with wavy Blonde hair and green eyes opened the door.

"You must be Brooke." She said with a warm smile. "I'm Peyton."

"Hey." Brooke said smiling. " It's nice to meet you."

Peyton smiled again and moved over so that Brooke could come inside. "Come in."

Brooke stepped inside and was greeted by the sight of the most gorgeous guy she had ever laid eyes on. _Wow, he's cute._ She thought, but then she realized that he was probably Peyton's boyfriend.

"This is Julian." Peyton said, nodding to the boy.

"Julian Baker." He said with a smile, standing up and turning off the VCR.

"As in Peter and Kelly Baker?" Brooke asked. " 'Cause they're-"

"Friends of your parents, I know." Julian said with a smile.

Brooke felt shivers go down her spine when he smiled at her. It wasn't fair... He was way too cute. to be Peyton's boyfriend. Just as she was about to get seriously depressed the doorbell rang again and Peyton sprang to answer it.

On the other side was a tall, good-looking guy with blonde hair. Brooke took a good look at him and decided that while he was hot, he was no Julian.

He didn't even seem to notice her, instead his eyes were locked on Peyton. "Hey beautiful." He whispered, taking Peyton in his arms and kissing her.

Brooke stared at them in confusion, who was this guy and what was his relationship with Peyton? She got her answers a minute later. When the two pulled apart Peyton leaned against him and looked over at Brooke. "Brooke Davis, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Lucas Scott."

Brooke's eyes lit up at the word.

_Boyfriend_. That meant that Peyton and Julian were just friends. Maybe she had a chance with him after all! "It's nice to met you, Lucas." She said with a pleasant smile.

Lucas nodded and smiled back. "Hi. Peyton was telling me all about you. Welcome to Tree Hill."

Brooke looked over at Julian and saw that he was carefully watching Lucas's reaction to her, he actually seemed disappointed that Lucas didn't seem that interested. Brooke wondered why and then caught the way that Julian was staring at Peyton. _He's in love with her._ She realized, also noticing Lucas and Peyton's mutual adoration. _Oh, boy._

"Let's go." Peyton said, taking Lucas's hand. She turned to Brooke. "I thought we'd all go to Tric, it's the local hang out."

"Sounds great." Brooke said with a smile as she followed the other three out to Lucas's sports car. She climbed in the back, with Julian while Peyton and Lucas sat in the front. Brooke noticed Julian's unhappiness during the ride as Lucas drove with one hand on the wheel and the other holding on tightly to Peyton's.

* * *

Julian sighed as the four of them walked into Tric. He had been hoping that once Lucas laid eyes on the new beauty in town he would drop Peyton and then Julian could be there to pick up the pieces. But that hadn't happened. No, instead he barely glanced at Brooke and seemed more into Peyton as ever.

_Maybe it's the real thing._ Julian thought, but then he pushed that thought aside. It couldn't be. Lucas Scott was incapable of really falling in love.

"Are you okay?" Brooke asked softly.

Julian turned to her and smiled. She really was beautiful. Her long brown hair and amazing brown eyes, maked his heart skip a little. But she wasn't Peyton, but... There was something about her. "Yeah." He answered and then realising that she had probably already guessed he sighed.

"It's just those two." He replied, motioning to Lucas and Peyton who had gone to order Lattes' for the four of them. "I don't get what she sees in him."

"He seems very nice." Brooke said hesitantly.

"Seemsbeing the operative word!" Julian exclaimed angrily. "Lucas Scott is a jerk pure in simple. He dates a girl until he gets tired of her, then he discards her."

"He seems to really like Peyton." Brooke said softly, looking over at the counter where Lucas had whispered something in Peyton's ear causing her to giggle.

"Yeah, I know." Julian said with a sigh. "It's strange. Usually he's dumped the girl by now, but..."

Whatever he was going to say got interrupted by Peyton and Lucas returning.

"So, how are you two getting along?" Peyton asked as she sat down beside Brooke.

Julian caught the glint in her eyes and groaned inwardly. Peyton planned on setting him up with Brooke!

"Good." Brooke answered, before he could. "Julian's very nice."

Peyton smiled happily. "Great! I was hoping that you two would be friends!"

Julian closed his eyes for a minute wondering why this had to happen. Not that he didn't like Brooke, but... Peyton was the only one he wanted. And like the old saying go "You can't help who you love."

* * *

**Please let me know what you think. Nathan and Haley will be introduced in the next chapter. I will have that one up tomorrow night. Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	3. October 14 Thursday November 9th

**A/N: Okay just wanted to let you guys know that this is like a two part chapter. First half picks off after chapter two. The second half will be a month time jump. So I hope I don't confuse you. Thanks for reading and all the reviews. **

**Enjoy the new chapter, Cindy**

* * *

**Friends and lovers**

**Chapter 3**

**Thursday Night November 9th**

Lucas dropped Brooke and Julian off first, giving him some time alone with Peyton. "You know Baby, it might be a bad idea."

"What might be?" Peyton asked innocently.

Lucas smiled and captured her chin in his hands. "This plan to set Brooke up with Julian."

"Why? They'd be perfect for one another."

Lucas knew he couldn't tell Peyton that it wouldn't work because Julian was in love with her. "Just be careful, okay?"

"Always." Peyton answered, leaning forward to give him a good night kiss.

Lucas felt his heart race as they kissed. There was something about Peyton... He knew he had a pretty awful track record when it came to dating, but what he felt for Peyton was real. He was falling head over heels in love with her and couldn't imagine feeling this way about anyone else. He pulled away and stared into her beautiful green eyes. "You're so beautiful." He whispered. Peyton blushed at the compliment, but looked happy. She kissed him again and then got out of the car.

"I should get inside, Mom and Dad will be worried."

"Alright." Lucas said, watching as she walked up the steps into the house, then started the car to drive home. He couldn't believe his luck. Peyton Sawyer was actually his girlfriend. He had been interested in her for months, but he thought that there was something going on between her and Baker, but... He had finally asked her friend Haley whether or not Peyton and Julian were a couple and learnt that they decidedly were not and that Peyton was free. Still, Lucas had the feeling that Julian was just waiting for the right time to make a move on Peyton.

"That's not going to happen." Lucas thought out loud. "It took me this long to find the girl of my dreams and I'm certainly not going her up to Julian Baker."

He hoped that Peyton's plan worked and that Julian transferred his affections to Brooke Davis. After all she was pretty enough and under any other circumstances Lucas would purse her himself, but... He had found the only girl he wanted, now he just had to make sure he kept her.

* * *

Brooke lay on her bed and closed her eyes, picturing Julian Baker in her mind. He was definitely cute and he seemed sweet and funny, the only problem was that he was also crazy about Peyton Sawyer.

"Well, that can change." Brooke whispered, opening her eyes. "After all, Peyton's crazy about Lucas and he's crazy about her. Maybe Julian will realize that they really care for one another and..."

Brooke bit her lip. She knew that it wasn't likely. But she was praying that if she spent enough time with him, Julian would see her in the same way she saw him.

She smiled suddenly. There was always the fact that it looked like Peyton was trying to set them up. Maybe, with Peyton's help she could win his heart. She closed her eyes again and started to fall asleep and began to dream about Julian Baker...

* * *

Peyton sat in her room listening to music. She was thinking about Brooke and Julian and her plan to get them together.

"I hope it works." She whispered. "They could be great for one another and Julian needs a girlfriend."

She frowned slightly, thinking about Julian's odd behaviour lately. It seemed like he was jealous, but that was impossible, wasn't it? After all, what would Julian be jealous of?

Then it came to her.

"He's jealous of how much time I spend with Lucas." She realized. "After all I barely see him anymore, while we used to hang out every day. No wonder he's a little jealous. I'll have to talk to him and tell him that just because I'm dating Lucas it doesn't mean that he's no longer my best friend."

Peyton looked around the room at all the pictures she had of her and Julian growing up together. There were other pictures of course. Pictures of her family, of her other friends, and... Peyton's eyes darted over to her night table and the framed picture of Lucas she kept there. She walked over and picked it up before sitting on the bed.

She gazed at the picture, forgetting both Julian and Brooke as she began to think about Lucas. She had had a crush on him for months, but she never thought anything would come of it. Then suddenly one day he was asking her out. She was still wondering why then, why that specific moment.

"Oh, well." She whispered. "I'll find out someday."

She lay back on her bed and fell asleep, her last conscious thought being of Lucas Scott.

* * *

Julian slammed his school books shut. He was trying to finish homework, but he couldn't think of anything other than Peyton and Lucas and how cozy they had been that night. He closed his eyes and replayed the scene of when Lucas arrived at the Sawyer's house. Of the way she had run to the door and of the kiss the two had shared.

"Why can't it be me?" Julian muttered. "Why can't I be the one to kiss her and hold her hand? Why do I have to be the good friend, the guy she's trying to set up with another girl?"

He glanced over at the picture of Peyton he kept on his night table. She was laughing, her head tossed back and her beautiful green eyes sparkling. He thought suddenly of the way she had looked at Lucas, the same sparkle had been in her eyes. "I should be the one to make her eyes sparkle!" Julian said jealously, taking a deep breath. "I need to calm down."

But the stress of the evening was getting to him. He wondered how he had managed to stay sane with Lucas hanging all over Peyton and Peyton being determined to fix him up with Brooke Davis.

It had not been his ideal evening.

"I hope I won't have to do that again any time soon." He said with a shudder. "Because if I do I think I'll go insane."

* * *

One month Later.......

Brooke made her way through the cafeteria, unable to believe how successful her first month at Tree Hill High had been. She had been dreading it, after all who transfers in the middle of high school at the beginning of October? She had been expecting the worst, but everything was going great so far. Thanks to Peyton. She had been wonderful. Showing Brooke around and introducing her to everyone. Brooke smiled, spotting her friend and going to sit with her.

"Hey Brooke." Peyton said, when Brooke sat down across from her.

"Hi." Brooke said looking at the people crowded around the table. There was Peyton's friend Haley James and Haley's boyfriend Nathan Scott,(who happen to be Lucas's half brother or something lke that.) Lucas and Julian was sitting with them too. Julian, Brooke noted, looked incredibly unhappy.

"So, what's up?" Brooke asked.

"We're talking about the costume party." Haley told her.

Haley, Brooke had learned, was the best source for any gossip. And she was really nice, although she did tend to be a little bitchy at times. The costume party was a big bash that Lucas was throwing at his place that weekend.

"So do you guys have your costumes picked out?" Brooke asked.

"Yeah. What about you?" Peyton asked, pushing her tray away and leaning comfortably against Lucas, which caused Julian's face to fall even more.

"Yeah." Brooke answered. "I'd better, the party's tomorrow night!" Then she looked at Peyton. "Are we still on for me spending the night afterwards?"

"Yes and Julian's going to be our escort to the party."

Julian seemed to perk up at the news, but looked like he was trying not to show it.

"I wish I could be taking you." Lucas told Peyton softly.

"I know." Peyton told him. "You're going to be needed as the host. It's alright." she whipsered, as she kissed him sweetly.

Julian's face dropped again and Brooke touched his arm gently. He smiled slightly at her then stood up.

"I have to go talk to my math teacher." He excused before leaving the cafeteria.

"I wonder what's wrong with him?" Peyton said, glancing after Julian with concern.

Brooke met Lucas's gaze and saw that while Peyton was oblivious to Julian's feelings, Lucas wasn't and he didn't like it one bit.

* * *

Julian stood in front of his locker and sighed with frustration. Why didn't she just rip his heart out and stomp on it? It would certainly be better than having to watch her be all lovey-dovey with Lucas. The very thought made him feel sick. The costume party was going to be unbearable.

_You could always not go._ A voice in his head told him, but he knew that he couldn't do that. Peyton was counting on him to be there and he didn't want to let her down.

"You ran out of there awfully fast." Someone said from behind him.

Julian turned around to see Brooke standing there.

"Hey." He said glumly.

Belle closed her eyes for a second. "Julian..."

"I know it's hopeless." Julain whispered. "But..."

"Julian do you need someone to talk to?" Brooke asked.

" 'Cause I'm here. I mean Peyton's your best friend and you can't talk to her, so..."

"That'd be nice." Julian said, smiling at Brooke. Just then the bell rang.

"How about after school?" Julian suggested, grabbing his books.

"Alright." Brooke agreed with a smile, rushing off to her class. Julian watched her go and smiled. She was pretty. But, she still wasn't Peyton

* * *

Julian waited for Brooke in the parking lot.

"Sorry, I took so long." Brooke told him as she opened up the passenger door of his black SUV and climbed in.

Julian smiled. "It's okay. Where too?"

"The park?" Brooke suggested. "We can talk there, right?"

Julian nodded. "Yeah. We can."

They drove in silence and when they got to a private area of the park Brooke turned to Julian.

"So..."

"Yeah. Brooke, this means a lot to me. I really need someone to talk to." Julian said sincerely.

Brooke smiled. "No problem."

Julian sat down on the ground and Brooke sank down beside him. "Peyton and I have been inseparable since we were kids." Julian began. "Since we were five we've been best friends. Then, last year I began to think of her differently, I just couldn't get up the nerve to ask her. I finally did, but..."

"She _rejected_ you?" Brooke asked in disbelief, Peyton had seemed honestly clueless about Julian's feelings.

Julian sighed. "No. The morning I was going to ask her she came to school all excited and told me that Lucas had asked her out." He clenched his fist remembering that morning.

"Oh, Julian." Brooke whispered with sympathy.

"Everywhere I go I see them together and even when they're not... He's all she talks about." He sighed. "I could stand if it was anyone other than Lucas. He's such a pompous jerk, what does she see in him?"

Brooke looked at him comfortingly. "Maybe he's a pompous jerk to you, but to Peyton's he's Prince Charming. You have to admit that he honestly seems to care about her."

Julian looked up at Brooke. "I wish I could believe that. But... I know Lucas, you don't, and his type doesn't change."

Brooke stated at Julian wondering why he was so stubborn. "I think you're wrong." She stated softly. "I think you just don't want to accept the fact that Peyton is honestly happy with someone other than you."

Brooke stood up and walked away, wondering why Julian was so blind. Didn't he see how much she cared about him and how good they be together? She bit back tears as she walked home.


	4. Friday November 10th

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 4**

**Friday, November 10th **

The next night Brooke waited at Peyton's for Julian to pick them up. She wondered why Julian was doing this, after all Lucas's party had to be the last place he wanted to be. Probably because Peyton was going, she guessed. Brooke fiddled with her costume and waited for Peyton.. She wondered what had made her decide to go up as Cinderella, but that's what she had chosen. She looked down at her poofy ball-gown and delicate silver slippers so shiny they looked like they were made of glass.

"Wow, Brooke, you look great." Peyton told her when she came downstairs.

"So do you, Peyton, so should I say Leia?"

Peyton looked down at her Princess Leia costume and sighed. "I wanted Romeo and Juliet, he wanted Leia and Han, so we put three slips of paper in a hat and chose."

"What was the third?" Brooke asked curiously.

"Marc Anthony and Cleopatra." Peyton answered.

"Lucas must have been happy." Brooke said. "After all, the other two possibilities included him either wearing tights or a skirt."

Peyton smiled. "Yeah."

Just then the door rang and Peyton answered.

"Julian!" She exclaimed. "You look great!"

Brooke looked at Julian and had to agree. He was dressed as James Dean and looked really HOT!.

"Peyton, Leia?" Julain asked in surprise. "You can't even sit through the movie!"

"Don't remind me." Peyton said. "I feel weird enough as it is with this hairdo."

"Then why the costume?" Julian asked. Brooke groaned, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"Lucas won the draw." Peyton said making a face.

Julian was quiet. "Ah. Well, let's go." He turned and walked out to the SUV with the girls following behind him.

Peyton kept on darting looks at Julian as they drove. What was wrong with him? All of a sudden he was acting so strange. It couldn't be jealousy still, after all she had gone out of her way to make sure she and Julian spent time together, so what could be bothering him?

That question was still bugging her when they got to Lucas's. Peyton watched Julian and Brooke as they got out of the car. Julina looked unhappy and tense, while Brooke looked worried about something. Peyton wondered if they were hiding something from her and if so, what?

When they walked inside Peyton winced. "I hate this kind of music." She muttered. Rap was not something you would catch Peyton Listening to. Julian smiled and leaned over to whisper in her ear. "What did you expect, The Cure?"

Peyton laughed, feeling glad that she and Julian were just laughing and having fun talking to one another. Suddenly she saw Julian tense and she looked up to see Lucas. She rolled her eyes, wondering if the two of them would ever get along and walked over to Lucas.

"I missed you." He told her, kissing her lightly.

"Lucas, you only saw me at school!" Peyton said with a shake of her head.

Lucas hugged her tight. "So?" He teased. "Aren't I allowed to miss you?"

"Let me think about it." Peyton said, pretending to deliberate. "Yeah, you can miss me."

Suddenly the music changed and a slow song came on.

"Dance with me?" Lucas asked her softly. Peyton wordlessly held out her hand for him to lead her on to the dance floor.

There's some things we don't talk about  
rather do without  
and just hold the smile  
falling in and out of love  
ashamed and proud of  
together all the while

Julian watched as 'Princess Leia' lay her head on 'Han Solo's' shoulder and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. It didn't seem fair. He was the one that should be holding Peyton in his arms. He should be the one who was dressed up in a coupleishy costume with her. But he wasn't. Lucas was. Julian sighed, knowing that no matter how unfair it was, Peyton saw him as her Luke, not her Han.

You can never say never  
why we dont know when  
time and time again  
younger now than we were before

Knowing he would go insane if he watched Lucas and Peyton for a moment longer, Julian turned to Brooke. "Do you want to dance?"

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go

Peyton looked up into Lucas's eyes and was warmed by what she saw there. When he had first asked her out she was afraid that she would be another one of the girls he just used and then threw away, but she had realized that wasn't true. She could see it in his eyes, had been able to see it since their first kiss. What they shared was real. She knew from the promise in his eyes that what they shared was different than all his other relationships. It was real.

Picture you're the queen of everything  
as far as the eye can see  
under your command  
I will be your guardian  
when all is crumbling  
steady your hand

Brooke looked up at Julian, trying to fight the delight that was swimming inside of her because she was finally in his arms. Sure, it was only one dance, but it was a step. She looked over at Peyton and Lucas and saw how preoccupied they looked. They only had eyes for one another.

She looked at Julian, glad that his back was to Peyton and Lucas, because she knew it would really hurt him.

You can never say never  
why we dont know when  
time, time and time again  
younger now then we were before

Still, a part of her wished that he could see it so that maybe he would realize how hopeless his feelings for Peyton were.

_Just like yours?_ A voice inside her head asked. Brooke closed her eyes, trying to deny it.

But it was true. Just like Peyton would never think of Julian in that way, he would never think of her in that way.

She had only lived in Tree Hill a month, but in that month she had become Julian's friend and confidante. Nothing more.

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go

Lucas tightened his hold on the girl on his arms, amazed that he could feel strongly for her. None of the other girls he had dated had ever really affected him emotionally, but Peyton... She made him feel things he didn't even know it was possible to feel. She had shown him how empty his life had been before she came into it.

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go

As she gazed into his eyes he saw the emotion in her eyes and knew that she cared as deeply for him as he cared for her. Whatever was going on between them was deep and it was real.

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again  
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Brooke watched the intensity between Lucas and Peyton and wondered what was going on over there. If she had any doubts about how serious they were watching him would get rid of those doubts. They looked as if they were made for one another's arms. She wished that just for one moment Julian would look at her the way Lucas was looking at Peyton. She would give anything for that to happen.

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go

Julian wondered what Brooke was staring at, but he bet he knew.

Peyton. Lucas and Peyton, Just the thought of their names together like that upset him. He didn't want to think of her being with Lucas.

This had to be one big nightmare that he would wake up from any minute.

_But if it was, then Brooke would be too. Would you want that?_ That irritating voice reminded him. _Shut up._He told the voice, but it was right. As much as he wanted the Peyton and Lucas scenario to disappear he didn't want Brooke to disappear.

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go

He had only known her a month, but already she had come to mean a lot to him. Next to Peyton she was his best friend, and unlike his relationship with Peyton their relationship with simple, relaxed, carefree. It was Brooke that made the whole Lucas and Peyton thing bearable.

_Don't let me go ooooo._

The music ended and the two couples separated. Well, Julian and Brooke separated, Lucas and Peyton just moved off the dance floor. His arm was around her waist as they walked back to Julian and Brooke.

Peyton watched her two friends, hoping that they were beginning to hook up. Julian and Brooke together would be perfect.

"Where are Nathan and Haley?" Brooke asked looking at Lucas, then looking around for the other members of their gang.

"Right here." Haley answered, coming up behind Lucas.

Everyone looked at their outfits.

"Cute." Peyton said.

Haley smiled and held Nathan's hand. They were dressed as Jasmine and Aladdin.

"Nice hair Peyton." Haley said with a grin.

"Don't remind me." Peyton said with a groan. Everyone laughed.

Peyton looked over at Julian and was glad to see that he was lightening up. The sulky expression he had for weeks was gone and he looked like he was actually enjoying himself.

_Good,_ she thought, _I would feel guilty for having so much fun if Julian were miserable._

* * *

Julian stood on Lucas's terrace thinking about Brooke and the dance they had shared. He had felt something when he held her in his arms, but he didn't know what it meant. If it was a friends thing, or if it was more.

He looked through the glass doors at Brooke who was laughing at something Nathan was saying, then his gaze caught Peyton who was standing next to Lucas talking to some of his basketball teammates.

Julian looked at the two and knew that it was still Peyton he wanted. She was so beautiful, so perfect...

He continued to watch her for a moment then sighed and went back inside.

* * *

Lucas watched as Julian reentered the house and instinctively tightened his hold on Peyton's waist.

She didn't seem to notice, she just snuggled closer to him.

Lucas gazed down at her and smiled softly.

She was the most important thing in the world to him and he didn't want to lose her. Not that he actually thought that Julian Baker was much of a threat, but...

He looked down at Peyton's face and realized that he was feeling jealous for nothing.

What he had seen in her eyes earlier had shown him that. They had made a silent promise to one another and nothing could break that.

Not even Julian.

* * *

Brooke watched Julian as he made his way over to her.

His eyes never left Peyton.

Brooke sighed.

She had hoped that the dance they had shared had affected him the way it had affected her, but she must have been just dreaming.

She nodded at what Haley was saying, her eyes locked on Julian.

Julian Baker was everything she had ever dreamed of, but... It seemed he was out of reach to her. His heart was elsewhere.

Brooke suppressed a bitter laugh. It didn't seem fair.

She was falling for Julian, who saw her only as a friend, and the girl he loved was in love with someone else. Fate was cruel.

She tore her gaze off Julian and turned to see Lucas. He was also looking at Julian, but the jealousy and unease that had been there for the last month was gone.

_I guess he finally realized that he's the only one Peyton wants._ Brooke thought sadly, wishing things could be that simply for her and Julian.

* * *

Peyton looked around the room, puzzled by what she saw on the faces of the three people closest to her.

Lucas looked peaceful, almost reassured. As if he had been nagged by some secret fear which had been put to rest.

Peyton bit her lip and then looked at Julian.

The tension was back, so was the unhappiness. He looked as if the one thing he wanted in the world had been taken from him.

Peyton's heart ached for her friend as she wondered what was wrong.

Lastly she turned to Brooke, who also looked unhappy. Peyton sensed her friend was on the verge of tears and wondered what had caused them.

She looked back and forth between the three faces and wondered what they knew that she didn't.

What was going on that she didn't understand?


	5. Saturday, November 11th

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 5**

**Saturday, November 11th**

It was the night after Lucas's party and Julian couldn't sleep. All he could think about was Peyton and the party, and how beautiful she had looked. He remembered the confusion that had been on her face as she looked at him, Lucas, and Brooke. She didn't get what was going on.

Julian sighed.

"Why can't she figure it out?!" He screamed. "Brooke knows, Lucas knows, but Peyton's still clueless."

He realized that he couldn't go on like this much longer. He stood up and got dressed before slipping out of his house. He walked a block and a half to Peyton's and very carefully climbed up to her bedroom window. He slid it open and climbed inside.

"Peyton?" He whispered.

She woke up and just about screamed when she saw him.

"Don't scream." He whispered.

"Julian?" She whispered angrily. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you." He told her.

"Can't it wait?" She asked.

Julian shook his head. "No. It's waited long enough."

Peyton looked concern. "Julian, what's wrong?"

Julian look at her beautiful face and felt his heart melt. This was the right moment. "Peyton, I love you." He whispered softly.

Peyton froze. "What?" She whispered.

"I love you." Julian repeated.

"Like a sister, right?" Peyton asked hopefully.

"No." Julian told her. "More than that."

Peyton closed her eyes, wishing she didn't have to do this. "Julian..."

Julian shook his head. "Peyton, I know your dating Lucas, and I'm sorry I waited this long to tell you, but... I was scared. I've been in love with you for a long time, I was going to tell you, but you started see Lucas and I didn't know what to do. I've thought about this for the last several months and have finally decided that I have to do this. I love you and I want to be with you. Is there a chance?"

Peyton raised her hands to her mouth in horror. She finally understood the looks on her friends faces. They all knew, but nobody had said anything.

"Julian." She whispered again. "I'm sorry."

Julian looked at her and saw the answer in her blue eyes.

"So am I." He whispered as he turned and climbed out her window.

Peyton watched him go, knowing that their friendship was broken and they might not ever be able to repair it.

"Why did he have to tell me?" She turned on the radio to hide her sobs from her parents.

_Baby, listen to me  
If I had the chance, I'd say the words  
Come on, come on..._

Julian sank on to his bed. Well, at least he had tried. And been rejected.

"I shouldn't have done that." He whispered. "I've ruined everything between us."

But he knew in his heart it would have been worse if he had kept it inside.

He turned on the radio as he continued to think of Peyton.

_The bluest of blue, that's what her eyes are  
That's what I am today  
And if I had it all to do, all over again  
I wouldn't have waited so long to say_

The song on the radio just made Peyton cry harder. How long had Julian been keeping his feelings for her inside? And would things have been different if he had told her sooner?

Peyton paused, trying to find the answer deep within herself.

_I can't live without you, don't want nobody else  
Baby listen very closely, I love you_

Julian listened to the words, thinking about how appropriate they were. He glanced over at his picture of Peyton and picked it up. She was so beautiful, so perfect... And she would never be his. He knew that for sure now. He had guessed it all along, but he needed to know. To be one hundred percent sure.

_I couldn't lie, she couldn't wait  
I love you came too late  
I'd give my life for yesterday  
I love you came too late_

Peyton thought for a long moment and closed her eyes as the answer came to her. No, she realized, even if she had known earlier, before Lucas asked her out.... It wouldn't have changed anything, not really... Because as much as she cared for Julian, she could never love him in the way he deserved to be loved.

_I should've seen the signs  
Paid her more attention  
But I pushed her love away (I pushed her love away)  
So she found someone to give her what she needed  
Somebody else not afraid  
To say (not afraid to say)_

"Your his now." Julian whispered softly. "Nothing can change that. Especially not me." He had sensed it at the party as the two danced in one another's arms, but he had hoped... He had thought that maybe there was a chance he could change her mind. That he could get her to love him instead.

_I can't live without you, don't want nobody else  
Baby listen very closely, I love you_

Peyton looked over at her many pictures of Julian and wished that things had stayed the way they had always been.

"Why did things have to change?" She whispered.

She had lost Julian forever and she knew it. Even if their friendship did manage to be put back together, it could never be the same. Too much had been said and felt for things to ever go back to the way they were.

_I couldn't lie, she couldn't wait  
I love you came too late  
I'd give my life for yesterday  
I love you came too late_

He had lost Peyton twice tonight. He had lost his dream of a romantic relationship with her and he had also lost his friendship with her. She had been his best friend for as long as he could remember and he had ruined that friendship with three words.

_I can't live without you, don't want nobody else  
My heart is in my hand, I took a good look at myself  
If I had another chance I'd shout it out to, the world  
I love you_

Peyton cried herself to sleep, hoping that in the morning all the pain would go away and things would be the way they always had been. But she knew that wouldn't happen. They had grown up and it hurt. It hurt so bad...

_I can't live without you, don't want nobody else  
Baby listen very closely, I love you  
I can't live without you, don't want nobody else  
Baby listen very closely, I love you_

Julian fell asleep, wishing that things could be different. Hating himself for doing this to him and Peyton, but knowing that he couldn't help it. He had fallen in love and it was no ones fault. It had just happened.

Unfortunately it had also destroyed everything.


	6. Sunday November 12th

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 6**

**Sunday November 12th**

Peyton woke up, praying that it was all just an awful dream, but the gust of wind from the window said otherwise. "It's real." She whispered. "Julian came here last night and told me he loved me." Tears began to fall down her cheeks again as she thought about the night before.

"I need someone to talk to." She whispered, wondering who.

Brooke or Lucas? Brooke was a girl, but she was also a good friend of Julian's, while Lucas...

Peyton bit her lip and chose Brooke. She picked up the phone to call her friend.

"Hello?"

"Brooke, it's Peyton."

"What's wrong, Peyton?" Brooke asked, obviously picking up on the distress in Peyton's voice.

"Brooke, I need to talk... Julian came here last night and..."

"He told you." Brooke said flatly. "I take it he didn't get the answer he wanted."

"No." Peyton whispered. "Brooke, I never saw this coming... I never realized..."

"I know..." Brooke whispered soothingly. "You honestly saw him as just a friend."

Peyton nodded miserably. "Yeah, well, he's not that anymore."

"It went that well?" Brooke asked. "Ouch. Peyton, I need to talk to Julian..."

"I know." Peyton told her. "But after."

"This afternoon we'll have a girl talk." Brooke promised. "First I have to be his shoulder to cry on."

"Thanks Brooke." Peyton said before hanging up.

* * *

She didn't envy Brooke, being caught in the middle of this mess. It was so confusing, so suffocating. She picked up the phone again and dialled Lucas's number. She needed him. After a minute Kieth Scott (Lucas uncle ) answered. "Hello, Scott Residence."

"Hey Kieth, it's Peyton is Lucas able to talk?"

"For you always,, hold on a minute."

A moment later Lucas came on. "Hey baby, what's up?"

"Lucas, can you come over here?" Peyton asked.

Lucas sensed the pain in her voice. "What's wrong?" He asked urgently.

"I'll tell you what you get here." Peyton told him. "I just... Please."

"Alright." Lucas said softly. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

* * *

Brooke walked into Julian's room, her heart breaking for him when she saw him. He was laying on his bed staring at a picture of Peyton. She realized that Julian was just as devastated as Peyton, although in a different way. For so long he had one dream, but last night that dream had been crushed. Brooke knelt beside him. "Julian?" She said softly.

Julian turned to look at her, his eyes sad and bitter. "Peyton, told you, huh?"

"She called me because she needed someone to talk to." Brooke told him.

Julian closed his eyes. "She was so devastated. She didn't want it to be real." Julian whispered. Then he looked up at Brooke sadly. "I ruined our friendship. We can never take last night back and things can never be the same."

"Hey," Brooke said softly, "you had to have known that would happen."

Julian laughed bitterly. "I should have. Shouldn't have I? But no. I had this weird hope that once Peyton knew how I felt everything would become the way it should have in the first place. But it didn't happen like that." He paused, gazing into her eyes. "She loves Lucas." He whispered bitterly.

Brooke sighed. "Julian..." She wondered exactly what had been said the night before and, knew whatever it was it hadn't been pleasant for either Peyton or Julian. "Julian, just because she's in love with Lucas, it doesn't mean she doesn't want you as a friend." Brooke said quietly.

Julian looked at her angrily. "That's the problem! I don't want her as just a friend! I want more. And if I have to be her friend while Lucas has what I want most in the world. It'll _kill_ me."

Brooke watched him and wondered if there was a solution to this mess and if so where she would find it.

* * *

Lucas arrived at Peyton and rushed up to her bedroom. She was sitting on her bed, just staring into space. "Peyton?" Lucas whispered, wondering what was wrong.

Peyton turned to face him. "Lucas." She whispered. "I'm glad you're here."

Lucas looked at her face and wondered what was wrong. "What's wrong?" He asked gently, walking over to stand beside her.

"It's Julian." Peyton said so quietly he could barely hear her.

Lucas looked concerned, wondering what had happened to Julian, then looking into her eyes he knew. "He told you."

Peyton nodded. "Last night. Oh, Lucas, I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt him, but..."

She started to cry again and Lucas wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay." He whispered.

Peyton shook her head. "It's not. Lucas, it'll never be the same. Last night... Our friendship, it broke and I don't know how to put it back together."

Lucas looked at her gently. "It's not your fault, Peyton. It's not your fault that you couldn't return his feelings."

"I know." Peyton said softly. "But it broke his heart. Oh, Lucas... It's such a mess."

"It'll be alright." Lucas told her, not knowing what else he could say.

What she was saying was right. Nothing would ever be the same again. Lucas had known that this was coming, but Peyton hadn't. She had been honestly clueless to the feelings Julian had for her which this sudden storm of emotion was knocking her off her feet.

"Hold me." Peyton whispered. "Please. Just hold me while I cry."

Lucas silently agreed to her request and they sat down on her bed. As he held her tightly in his arms, she cried for a childhood friendships torn apart by teenage emotions and for the friend whose heart she had unwittingly broken.

* * *

Brooke looked over at Julian. "I should get going. I told Peyton I'd pop by this afternoon." Brooke said softly.

Julian nodded. "Okay. Brooke..."

"Yeah?" Brooke asked, getting off the bed and standing up.

"Tell her... Tell her that I'm sorry if what I said hurt her. I didn't mean to."

"She knows that." Brooke said softly. "Julian..."

"Please, don't." Julian said quietly. "Please don't tell me how much she values my friendship. I couldn't handle that right now."

"Alright." Brooke agreed, smiling sadly before leaving.

Julian watched her go, wishing that she didn't have to be in the middle. It must be so hard on her, being friends with them both. Julian sighed as he looked at the doorway Brooke had disappeared through.

"Why couldn't I have fallen in love with you?" He whispered, then laughed bitterly. "Not that that would have changed anything. It would still be a case of one-sided love."

* * *

Brooke walked into Peyton's bed room and found her asleep in Lucas arms. Brooke raised a questioning eyebrow at Lucas.

"She was upset and, she asked me to come over and, then she asked me to hold her while she cried. I did and, she ended up crying herself right to sleep." Lucas smiled down at Peyton tenderly, displaying all his love for her in one glance.

Brooke smiled. No matter how messed up everything else was, one thing was for sure. Lucas really cared about Peyton

"How was Julian?" Lucas asked her softly.

"Awful." Brooke answered. "This really destroyed them both."

"Yeah." Lucas agreed. "I knew it would. I was just hoping..."

"So was I." Brooke admitted. "But it had to come out sometime and I suppose it's better now than later."

Lucas looked doubtful, but then sighed. "Yeah."

Brooke looked at Peyton and then back at Lucas. "Tell her to call me when she wakes up." She said softly, before turning to go.

"You're leaving?"

"Yeah. She needs you not me." Brooke answered, turning back to Lucas. "Don't hurt her. I have a feeling that Julian's revelation is killing her enough. Don't cause her any more pain."

"I won't." Lucas swore. "Not for anything in the world."

Brooke nodded and left silently. She knew that he wouldn't. Everything else may be uncertain, but Lucas's feelings for Peyton were the one stable thing in this mess that was all of their lives.

* * *

Peyton opened her eyes and looked up to see Lucas gazing down at her tenderly. "You're awake." He whispered.

She smiled and sat up. "Yeah, thank you."

"Anytime." He told her. "Whenever you need me, I'll be here."

"I know." Peyton whispered standing up.

"How are you doing?" Lucas asked, standing up as well.

"Better." Peyton answered, then she looked deeply into Lucas's eyes. "I'm so lucky to have you." She whispered. "Not a lot of guys would hold their girlfriend ,as she cried herself to sleep over another guy."

"I'm not a lot of guys." Lucas told her. "Besides, I know that Julian's just your friend and that you're really upset about what happened between the two of you."

Peyton kissed him softly. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"What did I do to deserve you?" Lucas asked her. "Peyton, you're everything to me. Before you came into my life, it was so empty. You brought all the joy into my life. I love you."

"I love you too." Peyton whispered softly.

Lucas pulled her into his arms and kissed her tenderly. "I promise you whatever happens I'll be here for you."

Peyton was quiet for a long moment, then finally smiled. "I know. This is real, isn't it?"

"Very." Lucas reassured her, holding her tight. Peyton lay her head on her shoulder, wondering if she had any right to feel so happy when things were the way they were with Julian. Still, she couldn't help it. This was so perfect. Being in Lucas's arms and knowing that he loved her was a dream come true. She raised her lips to his and kissed him, slowly and tenderly at first, but then with growing passion.

All thoughts of Julian and the mess their relationship was in, flew out of her mind as the kiss grew deeper. After a long moment they pulled away, both of them breathless.

"Wow." Lucas whispered.

"Yeah." Peyton repeated.

Lucas looked at her and then sighed. "This is dangerous." Lucas told her as they sat down on the bed side by side. "You and me here, in your bedroom, with no adults..."

Peyton realized what he was implying and blushed. She hadn't ever thought about that.

"I'm not trying to pressure you." Lucas reassured her. "Just the opposite. I think we should slow down. I don't want you to do something you'd regret. If it happens for us, I want it to be because it's right, not because our hormones are going strong."

"Thank you." Peyton said softly.

Lucas stood up and smiled. "Anytime."

He kissed her on the cheek, before heading to the door. "Oh, by the way, call Brooke." He said before leaving. Peyton watched him go and smiled. Things with Julian may be a mess, but Lucas was solid. He would be there for her and when he held her she knew everything would be okay.


	7. Friday November 17th

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 7**

**Friday November 17th**

The school week had been Hell. Peyton kept on seeing Julian and it killed her. She wanted to run up to him and try to save their friendship, but the look on his face told her it would be useless. Julian wanted all or nothing and all she could give him was nothing.

She loved Lucas, she couldn't change that. But by Friday she was emotionally exhausted from having to deal with all the stares and questions that followed the few tense run in's she had had with Julian. Everyone in school was wondering what had happened and why they had gone from best friends to barely speaking. Peyton leaned up against her locker and sighed.

"Thinking about Julian?" A voice from behind her asked.

Peyton turned around to see Lucas. "Hey babe!" She said, leaning against him instead of the locker. "Yeah. How'd you guess?"

"It was easy." Lucas said with a slight smile. "It's all you've been thinking about since last Saturday night."

"I'm sorry." Peyton said with a sigh.

"It's alright. I understand." Lucas told her gently, looking into her eyes. Peyton smiled and wondered what she had done to deserve a boyfriend as wonderful as Lucas.

* * *

Julian watched Peyton and Lucas and clenched his teeth. Everywhere he went he saw the two of them together. Brooke was right, Peyton looked miserable... But she also looked more in love with Lucas than ever.

And Lucas... He was always with her, holding her or even just gazing at her tenderly.

They looked like the perfect loving couple and that was eating Julian up inside. It should have been him... But it never would be. He had finally accepted the fact that Peyton didn't love him. But it didn't change his feelings. He loved her.

"Julian..." Brooke said softly, coming up behind him. "You're only hurting yourself more."

"I know." he told her, still gazing at Lucas and Peyton..

After a minute he turned to face her. "Sometimes I consider making a step towards patching our friendship, but it still hurts too much. Do you understand?"

Brooke nodded. "Yes. You can't stand the thought of being just her friend, can you?"

"I want to." Julian said quietly. "But I can't. I can't just be her friend while Lucas has what I want more than anything else in the world."

* * *

Peyton sat at her desk after school that afternoon and began to write. She knew that Julian wouldn't listen to her if she tried to talk to him, but she hoped that he would read her letter. Hopping with this letter she'll at least get through to him.

_Dear Julian, _

_Please don't throw this away... I know won't you listen to me, but I hope that you'll read this and hear what I have to say. _

_I'm sorry that I couldn't return your feelings. I do love you, but not in that way. Even if Lucas wasn't in the picture, I wouldn't feel the same way. I'm so sorry, I wish I could love you... _

_I also wish that I had realized sooner what everyone else knew. I never even dreamed that you felt that way._

_I hope you believe me when I say how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you. You mean the world to me. You're my best friend and you have been for years. I can't lose you. I know that right now things are complicated, but please... Don't throw our friendship away. _

_Peyton_

Peyton looked at the letter and slipped in an enveloped. Then she stood up and prepared to take it to Julian's. She wasn't sure what she was hoping for, but hopefully the letter would have some effect.

* * *

Julian looked at the letter again and then closed his eyes. What should he do? Peyton had made the first step, but how was he supposed to respond? Should he go over there and talk to her or should he just ignore the letter?

He couldn't do that he decided. He couldn't just throw the letter away because he knew how hard it must have been for Peyton to write it. After a long minute he picked up the phone and dialled Peyton's number. He could at least try to repair some of the damage.

* * *

Peyton walked through the park towards the spot where she and Julian always used to go to talk. She found him already sitting there, waiting for her.

"Hi." She said softly.

"Hey." Julian said, cracking a slight smile.

"I'm glad you called." Peyton whispered as she sat down beside him. "We really need to talk."

"We do." Julian agreed. "Peyton, things can never be the same again."

"I know." Peyton said sadly. "Too much has happened. We grew up."

Julian nodded. "Yeah."

"Can we least try to salvage some of our friendship?" Peyton asked.

Julian looked at her, a deep ache in his heart as he did, then he nodded. "We can try."

Peyton smiled and her whole face lit up. "Thank you." She whispered. "You don't know how much that means to me."

Julian smiled slightly. "Actually, I think I do. I'm sorry I put you through this, Peyton."

"It's not your fault." She told him softly, then she laughed slightly. "Although, I am curious as to when exactly our lives became like an episode of Dawson's Creek?"

"No idea." Julian said with a laugh. "But you do have a point. We really are starting to seem like a soap opera. Creepy."

"I'll say." Peyton said, before smiling at Julian. "Thank you again."

Julian just smiled and stood up. "How about we go get some coffee and we can talk some more at the cafe.."

"I'd love to." Peyton told him sincerely, standing up as well.

Things weren't back to the way they had been before Julian's late night visit to her bedroom, and they never would be, but this was a start.

* * *

Lucas walked in to the cafe , he was meeting Nathan there. It was Haley's birthday and Nathan was calling up on a favour that Lucas owed him to make him go shopping with him. Lucas thought, _this way he can pick something up for Peyton to cheer her up._

Just then he spotted the object of his thoughts sitting at a table with Julian. They were deep in conversation. Lucas watched them and smiled slightly. They were obviously trying to repair their friendship. He considered going over there, but then decided against it. His presence would only upset things. Instead he took a seat at a table by the door and waited for Nathan. A minute later he walked in the door.

"What's up bro?" Nathan asked and then he smiled when he saw Peyton. "Why aren't you over there? This is the first time in months I've seen you and Peyton in the same room without being joined at the hip."

"I'm letting her and Julian patch things up." Lucas said, in a serious voice. "It's only been a week, but already the rift between them is killing her."

"And your not jealous?" Nathan asked in disbelief. "If it was Haley-"

"She loves me, Nate." Lucas said softly, standing up. "Not Julian. He's just a friend."

"I see, you really trust her?" Nathan asked.

"I do." Lucas said softly. "With my life. What we have is real."

Nathan looked at him for a moment before nodding. "I know. Now, let's go."

Lucas sighed and followed him to the door, glancing one last time at Peyton. He was glad for her sake that she and Julian were working things out. _I'll still get her something._ He thought as he and Nathan left . _Just to show her how much she means to me._

* * *

Brooke walked into the cafe, a little while later , she had been sitting at home doing her homework for the last hour, but she couldn't take it any longer. So, she had decided to get out of the house and see if anybody was at the cafe.. She was surprised to see Julian and Peyton sitting together.

_Maybe, they're working things out._ She thought, wondering if she should go over there. She decided she might as well, what harm could it do?

"Hi guys." She said with a smile when she arrived at their table.

Julian and Peyton both turned to see her and they smiled.

"Hey Brooke." Peyton answered. "What's up?"

"Nothing." Brooke answered cheerfully."Actually, I'm avoiding my homework."

"Ah." Peyton said with a grin. "But why are you doing your homework on a Friday? You have three wonderful days to do it."

"My brother Tyler is coming down for the weekend tonight and I want to actually spend time with him." Brooke explained. "He just started college, so he stayed in California."

"Oh." Peyton said, then she stood up. "Well, you just reminded me of the fact that I should do my homework tonight as well."

"Oh?" Julian asked curiously. "What are your big weekend plans?"

"Hospital charity thing, right?" Brooke answered for her. "I have to go to. Mom's making me and since you dad's on the Staff, to I assume your going to, right?"

Peyton nodded. "Yeah. But not with Mom and Dad, though they were planning on making me go. I'm going with Lucas. Dan Scott' make a lot of large donations to the hospital, which means they're going as well. Since we both have to go, we decided to go together." She explained.

Brooke smiled. "Sounds like fun. I wish I'd thought of something like that."

Then she turned to Julian and grinned. "Why don't you come as my date? I'm sure Mom and Dad won't mind, and I know for a fact that I have one ticket too many.

Julian looked taken back for a moment, then after a moment nodded. "Sure. Black tie, right?"

"Yep." Brooke answered, feeling a tinge of excitement go through her. She had a date with Julian! So what if it wasn't really a date? It was close. "Be at our place at 6:00."

Julian smiled. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night then." He stood up and smiled at Peyton. "You too."

After he left Brooke turned to Peyton. "What were you two talking about?"

"We were trying to repair our relationship." Peyton told her. "I think we made a good start. I mean, we still have a long way to go before we're even close again, but..."

"It's better than it was a couple hours of ago." Brooke finished.

Peyton nodded. "Yeah."

Brooke gave her a quick hug. "I'm happy for you. Now, was I a total moron? I mean, he still..."

Peyton smiled at her friend. "Brooke, you were so not a moron. Maybe Julian still has feelings for me, but maybe what he needs to get over that is spending more time with you."

Brooke wasn't so sure. "Are you sure? What if it totally backfires?"

"Then Julian's a moron." Peyton said flatly. "You're the nicest girl in Tree Hill, he couldn't do better than you."

"What about you?" Brooke asked curiously.

Peyton smiled. "Me? I can be a real bitch. Besides, you have one major advantage over me."

"What's that?" Brooke asked, totally confused.

"You're in love with him."


	8. Saturday, November 18th

**A/N: Hey everyone, I just wanted to say thanks for the reviews. I wanted to let you guys know a couple of things. Okay, in this story Brooke's parent are nice, they love her, she is their world, Tyler is her brother I need to add someone, so I thought it will be different for Brooke to have a brother. Tyler will be playing a big part in the Leyton relationship. I'm also sorry that Naley hasn't been in this much, but I promise in the up coming chapters their will be some Naley time. I also promise that there will be some Brulain moment soon, just have patience please. (Brookelover22 ) Oh, and by the way Peyton is a singer in this story, I know that is really not a Peyton thing, but this is an AU story, I hope you like it. **

**Well here is the next update, Thanks again**

**Cindy,**

* * *

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 8**

**Saturday November 18th**

The next night Peyton tapped her foot impatiently waiting for Lucas to pick her up. "We're going to be late." She told no one in particular.

Her mother, Anna, stopped at the door and looked at her. "Peyton, honey, are you sure you don't want to come with us and meet up with Lucas there?"

"No. He'll be here any moment." Peyton said confidently. There was no way Lucas would ever stand her up.

"Anna, Peyton's right." Her father, Larry, said from the doorway.

Anna sighed and then picked up her coat. Just then the doorbell rang. Larry sighed with relief, now maybe they could get going, and opened the door to reveal Lucas.

"I'm so sorry." He apologised to Peyton as soon as he stepped in the house. "Car trouble."

"It's okay." Peyton reassured him, walking to the door. She kissed her father's cheek. "I'll see you later Daddy."

"Alright Pumpkin." Larry agreed before Peyton and Lucas left.

"You look beautiful." Lucas told Peyton as he helped her into the car.

She blushed and smiled slightly. "Thanks. You look pretty good yourself."

Lucas smiled and leaned over to kiss her. "So, who are we sitting with tonight? My parents or yours? I don't think we ever decided."

Peyton looked down at her hands. "Actually, I told Brooke we'd sit with her and Julian." She said softly.

Lucas looked surprised. "Brooke and Julian, are they...?"

"Not really, but this is a step." Peyton smiled. "She really likes him Lucas and they'd be perfect together."

Lucas laughed. "I see you haven't dropped the idea of getting them together, have you?"

Peyton shook her head. "I guess not. So are you okay with this?"

"Well, I'm not thrilled about spending the entire night with Julian, but sure." Lucas looked at Peyton tenderly. "I'd do anything for you, I hope you know that."

"I do." Peyton told him softly, leaning into kiss him again.

When they pulled apart Lucas started the car and pulled away from the Sawyer's driveway. _Let's get this over with._ He thought as he drove.

* * *

Brooke nervously checked her hair one last time before running down the stairs to meet Julian, who was being interrogated by her father and Tyler.

"Daddy, stop!" She exclaimed when she heard him order Julian to give him a complete itinerary for the evening.

Julian looked grateful for her interference and smiled. "Thanks. You look beautiful, Brooke."

"You look pretty good yourself." Brooke said softly, trying not to show her joy that Julian had noticed how she looked.

"You'll be sitting with us at the fund raiser, right?" John asked his daughter.

Brooke shook her head. "No. Peyton's dad arranged for Peyton, Lucas, Julian, and I to have our own table."

John didn't look to thrilled with the idea. "Brooke..." John began.

"I know this is family time, but..."

"It's more fun to sit with your friends, right?" Victoria asked as she came down the stairs.

Brooke nodded. "Definitely."

John sighed. "On one condition, can you slide Tyler in at your table?"

"I guess." Brooke said. "I'd have talk to Mr. Sawyer, but I'm sure it's fine."

"John." Victoria began in protest.

John held a finger to her lips. "Shh. It gives us time to ourselves without the kids around. You know, time for adult conversation?"

Victoria laughed. "Alright. Do you mind Sweetie?"

Brooke shook her head. "No. Tyler, you're going to love Peyton. She's the best."

"She is." Julian agreed softly, trying not to think about how painful this evening would be, having to watch Peyton be with Lucas.

"I can't wait." Tyler said with a nod.

"Okay." Brooke said and then she turned to Julian. "Let's go."

"Alright." Julian agreed, offering his arm. "Tyler, need a ride?"

"Sure." Tyler accepted, following his sister and her date out of the house while John watched with a sigh.

"She's growing up." He commented sadly. "She's not my baby anymore."

* * *

After arranging a fifth place at their table with Mr. Sawyer, Brooke, Julian, and Tyler took their seats. A minute later Lucas and Peyton arrived.

"Hey." Peyton said in greeting, than she eyed Tyler in confusion.

"Hi." Tyler said with a smile, eying Peyton appreciatively. Why hadn't Brooke told him how hot this girl was? "I'm Brooke's brother Tyler."

"Ah. Peyton Sawyer." Peyton answered, smiling as Lucas held out her chair for her. "And this is Lucas Scott."

"Nice to meet you man." Lucas said. as he extended his hand out

"You to man" Tyler shook his hand.

It was quiet for a while so Peyton decided to break the ice. "What did you think of Friday's History quiz?" She asked Brooke.

Brooke made a face. "What do you think? Miss Jackson's quizzes have to be the worst."

"That's because you haven't had Mr. Rollins yet." Lucas said with a groan. "He'd make an awesome Drill Sargent."

Everyone laughed and they all began to swap teacher horror stories.

* * *

During the meal Tyler studied the foursome trying to read into the tension. By the time they got to dessert, he thought he had figured it out. There was a serious love rectangle mess going on. Brooke was in love with Julian, Julian was in love with Peyton, Peyton was in Lucas, and surprisingly Lucas was in love with Peyton. There was one thing that Tyler didn't understand in the whole mess, and that was what Peyton and Lucas saw in one another. They were obviously very different, too different in Tyler's opinion.

Still, it was obvious they were very devoted, but Tyler wondered how strong their bond was or if he had a chance with the lovely and mysterious girl.. He figured that he would suit her more than either the tough rebel Julian or the preppy rich boy jock Lucas.

_Now I just have to show her._ He thought.

At that moment, Mrs. Sawyer made her way to the front of the room. "We have a special treat for you tonight," she said with a smile, "my daughter Peyton is going to sing to us."

Everyone at Peyton's table turned to her in surprise as she stood up.

"You sing?" Brooke asked.

Peyton smiled shyly. "Yeah. Mom convinced me it was for a good cause."

"Wow." Lucas said. "I can't wait."

She smiled again and kissed him briefly, before walking to the front of the room. Tyler watched her with interest, wondering if her voice was anywhere near as beautiful as she was.

The music to "On My Own" From Les Miserables began.

_"And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to  
And now the night is near,  
Now I can make believe he's here."_

Lucas watched in girlfriend in wonder. He had heard her sing in private a few times, but never like this. She put her entire soul into it and it blew him away. He met her eyes and smiled, knowing that she sang for him and him only.

He saw Julian and Tyler watching her with as much interest as him, but it didn't matter. Lucas smiled, he knew he had no reason to be jealous. Peyton loved him and she sang only for him. What they had... It was special, no one could come between them.

_"Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy with the company  
I'm keeping The city goes to bed, and I can live inside my head"_

Brooke watched her friend sing and realized that there was all whole other side to Peyton that she had yet to see. Brooke began to understand why Julian had fallen in love with Peyton. As amazing as she was normally, when she sang... She opened up a whole different side of herself. Brooke realized that she could never compete with that, but then she caught her friend's gaze and smiled. She was looking at Lucas, she was singing to him and only him. Brooke realized that as special and beautiful as this side of Peyton was, it belonged only to Lucas.

_Still,_ Brooke thought, _I wish I could sing like that. Maybe if I could Julian would look at me the way he looks at Peyton._

_"On my own, pretending he's beside me  
All alone I walk with him 'til morning  
Without him I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me"_

Julian watched Peyton sing, remembering all the times she had sung to just him. _But it was never to me,_ he realized sadly. _She sang to me, yes, but in her heart she was always singing to someone else. Someone she had yet to meet. _Julian followed Peyton's gaze and realized that she had met the person she had always sung to in her heart. Lucas. It had always been him she had sung to when they were growing up, she just didn't know it. But now she did. And now she sang to him and him alone, as if no one else in the room existed. Only the two of them.

_I would give anything for it to be me, _Julian thought sadly, _But maybe I have to realize it'll never be. It never was before and now it never will be. It's Lucas, it was always Lucas._

_"In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever"_

As Peyton sang she kept her eyes locked on Lucas. From the first time she had sung to him, she had realized that it had been him she sung to all her life. He was the boy she dreamed of, whose face she never saw. All she had known about him was the way he made her feel and the fact that one day he would find her. And he had. And now, like always, she sung to him, only him. This time, however, she knew he heard her and he felt it too.

_"And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind,  
Still I say there's a way for us"_

Anna watched her daughter with pride and a little sadness. She had always dreaded this, Peyton was in love. Her little girl, wasn't just hers anymore. She watched as Peyton sang to the entire room and just one boy at the same time. She remembered the first time Peyton had sung along with a TV program so long ago and how she had used to sing for her parents. Now she sang for him. Anna looked from her daughter to Lucas and smiled slightly.

Lucas might not have been her choice for her little girl, but he loved her and Peyton loved him. Anna had the feeling that their love would last and Lucas would be the man who would one day take her daughter away from her. But that was still far in the future. She hoped.

Anna looked at one of the other boys at Lucas and Peyton's table. Julian. She had always thought that he would be the one to win her daughter's heart, but maybe it wasn't meant to be. She turned her attention back to her daughter and wondered again when she had grown up.

_"I love him,  
But when the night is over,  
He is gone,  
The river's just a river  
Without him  
The world around me changes,  
The trees are bare  
And ev'rywhere the streets are full of strangers"_

Tyler watched as Peyton sang and felt even more sure that this was the girl he had been searching for. She sang with so much passion and longing, she put her entire being into the song.

_The only problem is, she sings for him._He thought, watching as Peyton's gaze never left Lucas face. All of her emotions were for him and no one else.

Tyler bit his lip, wondering how he could change that and get her to sing to him instead.

_"I love him but ev'ry day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me his world will go on turning  
The world is full of happiness that I have never known"_

Lucas mother Karen Scott watched the young lady on stage with a smile. Lucas had chosen well. Karen watched as Peyton's gazed at Lucas the entire time she sang, and then she turned her gaze to her son who was staring right back at the vision on the stage.

_I wish them all the happiness in the world,_ Karen thought, _I really hope Lucas is truly happy. It's all I ever wanted for him._ She felt sure that Peyton was the one who could bring that to him, but she still felt a little saddened by the act that Lucas was growing up.

_Soon he won't need me at all._ She thought sadly.

_"I love him,  
I love him,  
I love him, but only on my own."_

Peyton finished the song and was greeted by tons of applause. She smiled shyly and slowly walked off the stage and right into Lucas arms.

"I love you." He whispered, kissing her softly before they each sat down. She just smiled, her green eyes projecting everything she felt as she gazed at him.


	9. Thanksgiving Day

**A/N: Hey guys, just a quick little note. Karen is Lucas mom and, Dan is his father, Nathan is his half brother, and Karen and Kieth are married, they have a four year daughter, Lily, Lucas sister, and Dan and Deb are still married and have a six year old son named Will, Nathan brother, Lucas half brother. Just wanted to point that out, before you read this chapter.**

**Thanks again for the reviews.**

* * *

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 9**

**Thanksgiving Day**

"Ready for this?" Lucas asked Peyton as they walked towards his front door.

"Ready for what?" She asked curiously.

"The griping, back-biting, and bitching that are key at a Scott family function."

Peyton stared at him in horror. "How bad is it?"

He laughed. "Depends on whose there." He opened the door and smiled down at her. "It'll be fine. The real fun will be when we get to the Baker's."

Peyton's family always ate Thanksgiving with the Baker family and when Lucas mother had invited her to their Thanksgiving dinner, which was earlier, Peyton had told Mrs. Baker that she might be late and Julian's grandmother had told her to invite Lucas along, they were both going to have two Thanksgivings.

"I can't wait." Peyton said dryly. "Did I ever mention I don't like Thanksgiving?"

Lucas laughed again and led her into the living room. His mother, his brother Nathan, his father Dan, and his uncle Kieth, aunt Deb, and sister Lily, and brother Will were there.

"Sweetheart!" Karen exclaimed, standing up to greet her son. She hugged him and then smiled at Peyton. " I'm so glad that you could join us."

Peyton smiled back. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Is Haley here?" She asked, Nathan, as she sat down in front of him.

Nathan shook her head. "No, her mom wanted her to be there when Taylor got home,.So I'm on my own for today, sucks. Are you going to Julian's place later?"

"We both are." Peyton answered, smiling at Lucas, before taking Lucas's hand again.

Karen looked surprised, but pushed it away and smiled. "Are you going to sing tonight?"

Before Peyton could answer, Kieth spoke up. "That reminds me. Peyton, last Saturday, you were amazing. You have a voice like an angel."

"Thank you." Peyton answered shyly.

"Talented as well as beautiful." Dan spoke up in an insulting voice, obviously drunk. "My, my Lucas, what others talents does your little girlfriend have? Or hasn't let you find out?"

Lucas looked at him in disgust. " it's 1:30 in the afternoon, and you're already drunk and obnoxious. You're pathetic."

Kieth stood up to defend his brother. "Lucas! Don't talk to Dan like that!"

"Whatever" Lucas said,

"So you want to watch some of the game?" Nathan asked, hopping to calm Luke down.

"Yeah, let go" He said, as he helped Peyton up. He rolled his eyes, as Dan yelled, "Like father, like son"

"What?" Lucas asked, clearly confused.

"I like blonde's better to." He laughed, as Deb and Karen give him a glare.

"Dad shut the hell up." Nathan said, as he picked up his six year old brother, and carried him upstairs with them.

Lucas shook his head, he never understood why his mom and Kieth, let Dan in their house in the first place. He want to yell, tell him to leave. but he knew his mom did if for Nathan, Deb, Will.

Peyton closed her eyes, _It's going to be a long afternoon._She thought, wondering if all Lucas family gatherings were like this.

By the time the meal was over, Peyton was wondering how Lucas had managed to grow up in that house and still turn out sane.

Once they were in the car on the way to the Julian's, Lucas smiled. "Hectic, huh?"

Peyton nodded. "That's an understatement. Is it always like that?"

Lucas sighed. "Usually. Dan doesn't get along with anyone, but then again no one likes him either,"

"He's certainly not very pleasant." Peyton commented, remembering Dan's comments from earlier.

"No, he's not." Lucas agreed. "But unfortunately, he is my dad, and I'm stuck with him. Along with, Nathan and Will." Lucas felt bad for Will, he was only six, he had years to go before he could get away from Dan.

"Wow," Peyton said, shaking her head, "my parents seem so sane in comparison."

Lucas thought about it. "I guess so, but I'm used to it. You'll get used to it too."

"Joy," Peyton said sarcastically, then she smiled. "Does this mean I'll be going to more Scott family events?"

"Definitely." Lucas told her softly as he pulled up in front of Julian's. "You'll be going to these things for a long time, Or at least I hope so."

"I hope so too." Peyton said softly, leaning over to kiss Lucas quickly.

Then she stood up and got about of the car with Lucas following her. "On to dinner number two." She said with a smile.

"I can't wait." Lucas said sarcastically.

Peyton turned to him, her green eyes dancing. "Cheer up, at least everyone here is sane. Besides, it'll be fun."

"Dinner with Julian's family, fun?" Lucas asked with lifted eyebrows. "Yeah, right."

* * *

Brooke watched as Peyton and Lucas entered the house. Her family had been invited to join the Baker's as well, so she was there too. Actually, she and Peyton had arranged to sit together during the meal.

_This should be interesting._ She thought, waving Peyton and Lucas over.

"Hey guys, how was Lucas's?" She asked with a big smile.

Peyton groaned causing Lucas to grin. "It was a little hectic, but then again things usually are at my place. Peyton wasn't used to it."

Brooke laughed slightly. "That fun, huh?"

Peyton groaned. "You don't know the half of it."

"Well tell me over dinner." Brooke instructed. "Mrs. Baker said that it was just about ready."

"More food." Peyton groaned. "I'm going to weigh a thousand pounds."

"But you'll still be gorgeous." Lucas told her lovingly.

"Peyton, now you know for sure he loves you. Because only a guy totally in love would say something like that." Brooke said with a small smile, hiding her jealousy of her friend.

She was happy that Peyton had found someone who cared about her so much, but didn't she deserve that too? She pushed the jealousy aside and turned from Lucas and Peyton. towards Julian.

He was standing with his mom and was smiling, but Brooke saw the longing in his eyes as he watched Lucas and Peyton. _Why?_ She thought miserably.

* * *

Tyler watched Peyton and Lucas after dinner. They were standing by themselves talking in low tones, and it was obvious to everyone how much in love they were. It was obvious by their every move.

Still, he couldn't figure out why. They were so different, too different. He had a feeling that eventually, once the feelings of awe and wonder wore off, their thinking would change.

_They're too different,_ he thought, _they can't possibly find happiness together._

He honestly believed it. Opposites may attract, but they couldn't make a relationship work. He would bet on that.

* * *

Julian's mom Kelly, watched the five teenagers in the room with interest, wondering what she was missing. There was obviously something going on between them, but she wasn't sure what it was.

"Victoria?" She asked softly. "Do you know what's going on with the kids?"

Victoria followed her gaze and then nodded. "Sort of. From what I can tell there's a love mess going on."

"Julian." Kelly realized. "He's had feelings for Peyton forever, but she's in love with Lucas."

"And Brooke's in love with Julian." Victoria said softly. "It's a mess."

"It really is." Kelly agreed. "But where does Tyler fit in? He keeps watching Peyton."

"I think he's attracted to her." Victoria said after a moment. "But that's it, after all he doesn't know her very well. But he did comment that she and Lucas seem like an odd match."

"I have to admit that I was definitely surprised when I heard they were dating." Kelly said. "And not just because I had had hopes that she and Julian would get together, Lucas just never struck me as Peyton's type. But they look very happy together."

"I'm glad someone looks happy." Victoria said quietly. "Because our children look miserable."

Kelly sighed. "What can we do?"

"I don't know." Victoria said quietly. "Maybe if I knew the whole story I would, but..."

"We'll figure it out." Kelly said with another sigh. "Besides, they're teenagers. Everything is supposed to be all angsty and confused."


	10. Saturday, November 25th

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 10**

**Saturday, November 25th**

_a couple days after Thanksgiving_

Julian sat in his room, thinking about how awkward things still were. He and Peyton were trying, but it was so hard. He jumped up from his bed, unable to stand the silence of the room.

The silence just made him think about Peyton more, and he didn't want that. It hurt too much.

He grabbed the first CD he found and shoved it in the CD player

To his surprise it was the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Soundtrack.

"What the...? I don't even own this!" He exclaimed, trying to figure out where the disk came from and then he realized.

It had to be Peyton's. Before she and Lucas got together she used to bring it over all the time and make him listen to it. She must have left it there by accident the last time she had come over and not noticed in the mess that everything had become.

He decided to listen to it, because even though it would make him think of Peyton even more, it would be memories of the days before Lucas became a big part of her life. The days when the two spent every day together, hanging out on his room, listening to music, doing homework, and just goofing around. He sat down on his best for a while and just listened until he heard track #13 come on. He closed his eyes and listened to the words.

_It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
It doesn't matter if I cry  
Don't matter if I bleed  
You've been on a road  
Don't know where it goes or where it leads_

Julian listened to the words and thought about how true it was.

It didn't matter. What he felt didn't matter, it didn't change anything. Just because he loved Peyton, didn't mean she didn't love Lucas. His feelings didn't effect hers. He hated to admit it, but he had to. He thought, for a moment, to the last time he had heard her sing along to this song and the conversation that had followed.

_It had been a month before school started and a month before Lucas had swept her off her feet and brought a new light to her eyes. At that time she was still the Peyton Julian had always known and things were the way they had always been. _

_"I think it's sad and true." Peyton said softly. "One person's feelings may not matter to someone else." _

_"That's not true." Julian argued. "People care about one another." _

_"Maybe, but... Think about it like this. Say that these two people are madly love and then they part and by the time they meet up again, he loves someone else. Her feelings don't matter, what she wants doesn't affect the fact that he no longer loves her. Maybe he cares, but it still change how he feels. In the end, it doesn't matter."_

Julian smiled sadly. Who would have thought that those words affected them and their situation? But they did. She had been right, in the end it didn't matter.

_It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
If you've made up your mind to go  
I won't beg you to stay  
You've been in a cage  
Throw you to the wind you fly away_

Julian closed his eyes for a second, picturing Peyton. He loved her, he had for so long. But that didn't matter. His loving her, didn't change how she felt. She didn't love him, she never would. And he was only hurting them both.

"I have to let go of my feelings for her." He whispered, glancing at the picture of Peyton on his nightstand. He stood up and picked the picture up. Then sadly slipped it into his drawer. He had to get over her, accept the fact that she'd never love him.

_It doesn't matter what I want  
It doesn't matter what I need  
It doesn't matter if I cry  
Doesn't matter if I bleed  
Feel the sting of tears  
Falling on this face you've loved for years_

"It doesn't matter." Julian whispered as he closed the drawer. Then he sat back down on the bed, tears streaming down his face.

_I love you, Peyton Sawyer, but from this moment on I have to forget that. I have to think of you as a friend and nothing more, because that's how you think of me. And even though I want more, what I want doesn't matter._ He thought sadly, picturing her face for a brief second and then pushing the image away.

She wasn't his, she'd never be his, and it didn't matter that he wanted her to be.

* * *

Haley stared out her bedroom window. Six months ago, everything had been so different. Back then, she hadn't felt nearly so lost. It was only recently that she had begun to feel her life was shallow and empty.

Two of the things that had been so important in her life a year ago were slipping from her now, Peyton and Nathan.

Peyton had been her friend since they were kids, but now... Now Peyton was so caught up in her relationship with Lucas, what had happened with Julian, and Brooke to have much time for her. They were still friends, still hung out all the time, but it wasn't the same anymore.

As for Nathan... Haley felt their relationship slipping away. No, that wasn't true. Nothing between them had changed and that was the problem. She wanted more. She wanted what she saw between Lucas and Peyton every time they were together.

She and Nathan didn't have that. She loved him and she believed he loved her, but she didn't know if it was enough. She had often wondered if Nathan really cared for her or if he stayed with her because she was a habit that he had grown used to. She didn't know, but she would find out.

"I have to change something." She whispered as she turned away from the mirror. "So, I'll change our relationship. I'll break up with Nathan."

Haley took a deep breath. There, she had actually said it, now all she had to do was do it.

But it didn't change the other problem in her life. Peyton.

Peyton had always been the one she could talk to about anything, but now... Peyton had Brooke . In the last few months Peyton had formed a bond with Brooke that Haley could never be part of... Tears started to fall down her cheeks. She had lost her best friend and now she was about to lose Nathan too. Where did she go from here? What should she do?

* * *

Nathan thought about Lucas and the utter trust he'd had in Peyton when he saw her out with Julian.

_Do I trust Haley like that?_ He wondered to himself. _Am I secure enough in our relationship to have no doubts?_

He already knew the answer. No.

He loved Haley, but... Something was happening between them, they were growing apart and it seemed like there was nothing he could do to prevent that.

"But I love her." He whispered. "I can't lose her."

Still, it didn't seem like a choice. She was slipping away from him. Nathan closed his eyes, trying to fight the fact that he had the feeling that it would all be over soon.

"Why can't we be Peyton and Lucas?" He wondered. "Nothing will ever tear them apart."

* * *

Tyler sat on the plane back to California and though about Peyton. She had spent most of the weekend over at the house with Brooke, giving him the opportunity to get to know her better.

The more time he spent with her, the more he begun to think about how good they could be together. Peyton was everything he wanted in a girl: she was beautiful, smart, funny, friendly, charming, talented.

There was only one problem... Lucas. She was crazy about him, even though Tyler was positive that they were mismatched.

Lucas Scott was a stuck-up, spoiled, preppy jock, he was everything that Tyler would have thought that Peyton would have despised. Yet... There was something holding them together, something Tyler didn't understand.

"I'll break the spell." Tyler whispered. "Somehow, I'll get you to see that Prince Charming is totally wrong for you."

He still couldn't believe he was doing this, after all normally he would never go after someone else's girl, even if he did believe that they were mismatched. But, this time... He had never felt like this before. There was something about Peyton... He had the feeling that she was one he had dreamt about since he was a little boy and he knew that he could offer her much more than Lucas Scott ever could.

All he had to do was prove it to her.


	11. Friday December 1st

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews. Especially LPfan4ever. for reviewing every chapter. Anyways, this chapter has no Leyton sorry, or Brulian I wanted to focus on Naley for little while. I promise more Leyton time is coming and Brulian will be together in do time. **

**I'm in the middle of my next chapter of Beside you through it all, And I will try to post anothor chapter of Age is just a number sometime this week. **

**Well here is the next chapter, thanks for reading and reviewing.**

**Cindy.**

* * *

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 11**

**Friday December 1st.**

Peyton stared at her friend in shock. "You did what?"

"I broke up with Nathan." Haley told her with tears in her eyes.

"When?" Peyton asked quietly.

"After school." Haley told her. "After he drove me home, I told him that I was sorry, but that it was over."

"Why?" Peyton asked in shock. "You guys were so happy together."

Haley started to cry. "No, we weren't. Peyton, Nathan and I didn't have the relationship that you and Lucas have, we never did. The last few months..."

"It's okay." Peyton whispered, realising how hard this was on Haley. She reached over and gave her friend a hug.

"Thank you for coming." Haley whispered.

"How could I not?" Peyton asked, when Haley had called her earlier that afternoon and said that she had needed to see her, she had rushed right over.

"We haven't spent a lot of time together." Haley said, through her tears.

Peyton stared at her friend, realising that she was right. "Oh, Haley." She said softly, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry."

Haley pulled away from Peyton and smiled sadly. "It's alright, I understand that you have a lot going on."

"But you're still one of my closest friends!" Peyton protested. "Haley your my best girl friend and lately I've been ignoring you, I shouldn't have. But, no matter what is going on in my life, I will always be there for you when you have a problem."

Haley smiled. "Thanks."

Peyton patted Haley's hand and smiled. "Now, do you want to make up for the last couple months and have a sleep over?"

Haley grinned. "Sure. It'll be fun."

"It will." Peyton agreed, glad that she and Haley were going to spend some time together.

Brooke was one of her closest friends in the whole world, but she and Haley shared a different kind of bond and it would nice to hang out with her like they always used to.

* * *

"She dumped you?" Lucas asked Nathan in shock. "Why? You and Haley have been together for over a year."

"I know." Nathan said with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. "And I don't know why she ended it. All I know is that after I drove her home from school, she told me in a soft voice that she'd always care for me, but that she couldn't see me any longer." Nathan began to pace around Lucas's bedroom, obviously tense.

"What did you do?"

"I asked her what had made her come to that decision and then begged her to reconsider." Nathan said, sighing with frustration. "Not that it made a difference. She bit her lip and ran out of the car, after whispering that she was sorry." Nathan made a strangled sound.

"Sorry! Doesn't she realize she's breaking my heart? She's everything, Lucas, I love her!"

"I know." Lucas said sympathetically. "And I realize this is shock-"

"Actually it's not."Nathan said quietly. "I'd known for a while that was there something wrong between us, but I always assumed she'd talk to me about it, not just freeze me out."

"What are you going to do?" Lucas asked.

"Give her some time to think it over and then do whatever I have to win her back." Nathan said softly. "But first, I'm gonna get drunk out of my mind. Want to join me?"

"Alright." Lucas agreed. "But you're staying here. I'm not letting you drive. So don't think your going to get drunk than need to go see Haley, because it ain't happening."

"Okay." Nathan agreed, wanting to forget about his pain for just a little while. "What do you have?"

Lucas walked over to his bed and unearthed a bottle of rum. "Will this do?" He asked.

"For starters." Nathan agreed. "Pour away."

"Alright, I'll be back in a minute." Lucas told Nathan, heading out the door to get two glasses from downstairs. _Poor guy,_ he thought as he ran down the stairs, _he's a mess._

But he couldn't blame him. Lucas didn't want to know what would happen if Peyton ever broke up with him.

_Not that that will ever happen._ He thought confidently. _We're solid. Nothing will ever tear us apart._

* * *

"What happened between you and Julian?" Haley asked later that night when she and Peyton were both sitting cross-legged on her bed. "I mean it's obvious that something went down, but what was it?"

"He told me he loved me." Peyton confessed softly. "And I reacted badly."

"Poor guy." Haley whispered.

"Yeah." Peyton agreed. "I really care about him, but not in that way. I only love one man and that's Lucas. Always Lucas. I just wish I didn't have to hurt Julian or ruin our friendship."

Haley looked at her curiously. "But you two have been hanging out at school the last couple weeks."

"We're trying to rebuild it." Peyton said softly. "But it'll take a lot of time."

"But it'll happen. What about him and Brooke?"

"She likes him." Peyton confided. "A lot. But, he doesn't seem to realize. He's as clueless as I was."

"That's too bad." Haley said sincerely. "They'd make a great couple."

"They would." Peyton agreed. "Speaking of great couples, when did things start going wrong with you and Nathan?"

Haley sighed. "I don't know. One day everything was perfect, then the next I started noticing everything that was wrong with our relationship. I think it was you and Lucas. You guys are so perfect together, so loving, you have so much faith in one another. Nathan and I never have a real. Connection. You know how jealous he can be, the funny thing is it never bothered me until I saw how much Lucas trusts you."

"Oh, Haley." Peyton said softly. "Maybe you should talk to Nathan, tell him what's bothering you, see if there's a chance."

Haley sighed. "I don't know. I thought it might be easier to make a clean break."

"And break his heart." Peyton pointed out. "Whatever his faults, Nathan loves you. And you love him. Don't you owe it to both of you to give it another chance?"

"I'm not sure I can." Haley cried. "Peyton, the last month or so, I've felt so trapped. I was aware of what was wrong, but I wasn't sure what to do, when I finally decided to end it, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders."

"I didn't realize things were so bad between you and Nathan." Peyton said quietly.

"On the surface they weren't." Haley told her. "But, inside... Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's talk about something happier, you and Lucas."

Peyton smiled. "No problems there, I feel as if I'm falling more in love with him in each minute. I love him so much."

"So how far have you two gone?" Haley asked with a smile.

Peyton blushed. "Just kissing, we're taking it slow."

"That's sweet." Haley told her. "So, he's being a gentleman?"

"Completely." Peyton told her. "He's so considerate, making sure not to pressure me."

"Nathan was the same way." Haley said quietly. "He never rushed me and when..."

Peyton was silent for a moment, she had already known that after a year of dating Haley and Nathan had had sex for the first time six months ago. She had been the first person Haley had told, the only person Haley had told.

"I think Lucas will be the same way." Peyton declared after a moment, deciding not to bring the subject of Nathan up again. "I also think he'll make sure it's completely romantic. He's like that."

"I can tell." Haley said with a smile. "Peyt, he worships the ground you walk on. In his eyes you're perfect."

"It's a little frightening." Peyton confided in her friend. "I'm constantly afraid of screwing up and ruining his ideal of me, but at the same time I want to. It's weird knowing that someone you love has placed you on a pedestal."

"I know." Haley said quietly. "Nathan always did."

Peyton thought about it for a moment and nodded. "Now that I think about it, you're right."

"Nathan always saw me as the perfect girl. Smart, beautiful, popular, a cheerleader. At first I was the trophy girlfriend, the perfect match for Tree Hill High's star basketball player, but after a while he began to fall in love with me. And in a way, that was worse. When I was just a thing to him, at least it wasn't serious, he wasn't so paranoid or possessive, but when we started going steady... In his eyes I could do no wrong, but because he saw me as a goddess placed above every other girl, he never truly began to trust me. In his eyes I was flawless, but he was always searching for flaws. He was so afraid that I'd hurt him that he never really got to know the real me." Haley said quietly, tears in her eyes. "Do you know that it took me six months to realize how he felt? And even then, I thought it was something that he'd get over once he knew how much I loved him. Even after I gave myself to him he didn't really believe that I was happy with him and him only."

Peyton patted her friends hand. "Oh, Hales... Have you wondered why Nathan's that way? Why he's so insecure."

Haley nodded. "Yes, but he won't tell me..."

Peyton looked Haley in the eye. "Ask him again. Set a meeting with him to talk about your relationship, about how you felt, and really talk to him, try to get him to open up. But if it doesn't work... At least you'll know you gave it a shot."

"Yeah." Haley agreed. "Thanks, Peyton, I think I'll do that."

"Then maybe you guys can work things out and, Brooke and Julian can finally get together. Then we can all go out on like a triple date or something." Peyton said.

"That sounds nice" Haley said, as she wiped her eyes.

Peyton smiled. "I'm glad, now that we've got the serious stuff out of the way, what do you say to some Pizza and The Breakfast club?" It was both of theirs favourite movie, and they had watched it a million times.

"Okay!" Haley readily agreed, pushing all thoughts of Nathan and their failing relationship away temporarily as she reached for the phone.

* * *

"I love her, man." Nathan confessed to Lucas as he began to drown his sorrows in his drink.

"But, sometimes I'm so afraid I'm gonna lose her that I act like an idiot, do you think that's what made her dump me?"

Lucas considered the question. It was certainly a possibility, Nathan's jealous possessiveness was legendary at Tree Hill and maybe Haley finally got tired of and decided she was through.

Nathan and Haley had always been tight, but now that he thought about it the relationship had always been slightly off balance.

Nathan had never seen Haley for Haley a teenage girl with faults just like everyone else, and instead had seen her as some sort of goddess. The problem was as much as he loved and worshipped her, he never trusted the fact that she loved him in return and would always be faithful to him so he was paranoid and possessive.

"Nathan," Lucas began, unsure how to approach his friend. "Maybe, that is the problem. Nath, I hate to say this, but you've always put her on a pedestal. Haley's just a normal girl, maybe she wants to be treated like one."

Nathan took in what Lucas was saying and sighed. "I see what you're getting at. Luke, it's just that she's so amazing... I guess I don't understand why she loves me."

Lucas looked at Nathan seriously, knowing now, when Nathan was being influenced by alcohol, was probably the only time his friend would listen to him about this. "You don't have to worry. She loves you, but if you want to win her back, maybe you should examine yourself and see what makes you act the way you do, in your relationship with Haley."

Nathan didn't say anything, just sat there, obviously taking in Lucas's words and considering them.

Lucas prayed his friend would listen to him, because he knew that if he didn't, Nathan would lose Haley forever and that would devastate him.


	12. Monday, December 4th

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 12**

**Monday, December 4th**

"Where were you on Saturday?" Lucas asked Peyton as she walked out of the school. "I called your house a few times and there was no one home."

"My parents were in Chicago for the weekend, ." Peyton told him, stopping for a second to give her boyfriend a small kiss. "And I was at Haley's."

"Ah." Lucas said with a nod. "I spend the whole weekend with Nath."

"Oh?" Peyton asked as she and Lucas reached his car and she climbed in the passenger side."What did you guys talk about?"

"Haley, and the break-up." Lucas told her as he climbed into the driver's seat. "But we didn't talk that much, mostly we got drunk. Actually he got drunk and I made sure he didn't do anything stupid."

Peyton didn't say anything for a moment and then took a deep breath. "Haley's going to talk to him, explain why she broke up with and see..."

"I know." Lucas said softly. "See if there's some chance. Things between them were pretty screwed up, I told Nathan that he should try to figure out why he acts the way he does or he'll lose her forever."

"That's good." Peyton said quietly. "Maybe, they can work things out."

"I hope so." Lucas told her, as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"But I hope it's not for a while." Peyton added. "They need some time apart."

Lucas glanced over at her in surprise. "What makes you thing that?"

Peyton was silent for a moment. "They're history." She said finally. "Luke, their relationship was screwed up. I think they need some time apart to really evaluate everything before starting over and even then they need to go slow."

"Things weren't _that_ bad." Lucas muttered.

Peyton stared at him disbelief. "Not that bad? Luke, I remember going to the movies with Haley and Julian once and how Nathan freaked out on her the next day. He didn't like her being with any other guy, not even Julian who she's known forever!"

"You're right, he shouldn't have been jealous." Lucas replied, stopping the car at a stop sign . "After all we both know that it isn't Haley that Julian's in love with!"

"Lucas!" Peyton exclaimed. "I thought we weren't going to mention that."

"Why not?" Lucas asked in a mocking tone. "Can't bare to hear the truth about how your best friend was in love with you for ages and everyone but you knew it! Or maybe you're starting to have feelings for him as well and are afraid that it's too late, after all you've already rejected him!"

"Lucas!" Peyton exclaimed again, staring at her boyfriend in shock. "I can't believe you said that."

"Why not?" Lucas asked. "Did you think I hadn't noticed how you constantly mention him and how you like having him around again. You liked the attention, didn't you?"

"You know it's not like that." Peyton exclaimed, blinking back tears. "Julian's just my friend!" She undid her seat belt and got off the car. "I have no romantic interest in him and you know that, but I should have listened to him about one thing.

"What's that?" Lucas asked, in a cold voice.

"You and I are totally wrong for each other!" She cried.

With that she stormed out of the car and ran down the block. Lucas watched her go, his anger disappearing.

_What did I just do?_ He asked himself, running his hands through his hair. _I'm turning into Nathan. I didn't think I was still jealous of Julian, Dammit.._

He knew that he'd have to give her some time to cool down before he went after her and he prayed that he hadn't blown things permanently.

* * *

Peyton kept running until she got to Julian's house. "_God, what made Lucas say that?" _She wondered, trying to block the memory of his angry face out of her mind as she knocked on the door.

A minute later Kelly answered the door. "Peyton!" She exclaimed in surprise. "What's wrong?"

"Lucas and I-" Peyton cried, tears streaming down her face.

Kelly pulled her inside the house and gave her a comforting hug. "It's okay, you can tell me what's wrong."

"I think Lucas and I just broke up." Peyton confessed shakily.

"Oh, Honey I'm sorry." Kelly told her, leading Peyton over to the couch. "What happened?"

"We had a fight. At first it was about Nathan and Haley, they broke up, but then he started talking about Julian and accusing me of secretly having feelings for him."

"Oh, Peyton." Kelly exclaimed, taking in the girls tear-stained face. "Sweetie, he's probably just jealous. After all you and Julian have been friends a long time and Julian does have feelings for you."

"I know." Peyton whispered and then she sighed. "I don't even know why I came here. It was just instinct I guess, but it was selfish. I was planning on running to Julian and crying on his shoulder, but I can't. Our friendship is in tatters now, besides even if it wasn't, I can't burden him with my problems with Lucas."

"Peyton, he's still your friend." Kelly soothed. "You're just going over a rough period it'll be okay, besides if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"Thank you." Peyton said softly. "Maybe that's why I came, you've always been the one I've been able to talk to. Unlike Mom, she's so busy... It's like she's never had time for me."

"That's not true." Kelly comforted, but at the same time she was silently agreeing with Peyton. Anna was a much better wife than she was mother and she devoted most of her time to furthering her husband's career rather than raising her daughter.

"But, I'll be here for you. No matter what is going on between you and Julian."

"Thank you." Peyton said quietly, wiping up her tears.

Kelly patted her hand. "You're welcome, now why don't you tell me the whole story about what happened with Lucas?"

When Julian got home he was surprised to see Peyton and his mother sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate and talking.

"Hi." He said quietly, wondering what Peyton was doing there.

She gave him a half smile and stared down into her cup of hot chocolate. Kelly stood up and smiled at him. "Peyton just came over to talk to me." She said quietly.

Julian looked past his mother at Peyton and saw that she looked miserable. Something had obviously happened.

"What's wrong?" He questioned quietly.

"You were right." Peyton told him in a soft, toneless voice. "Lucas and I were wrong for each other."

"Oh, Peyton." Julian whispered, going over to her side, forgetting all about his vow to get over her. "Did he dump you?"

"I dumped him." She whispered, tears falling down her cheeks. "We had a really dumb fight, it started out being about Nathan and Haley, and then turned in to being about you."

Julian felt like he had been punched in the gut. He had ruined Peyton and Lucas's relationship.

"Oh, Peyt." He whispered guiltily, only slightly aware of his mother quietly exiting the room.

"It's alright." She sniffled. "I didn't mean to tell you, after all you probably don't want to hear about Lucas and mines problems."

"Peyton, you're my friend, I want to hear about all your problems." Julian confided. "I know that lately our friendship has been rough, but we have be friends a long time and we always will be."

Peyton gave him a half-smile through her tears. "I guess all we needed to repair our rift was for me to break up with Lucas, huh?" She asked miserably.

Julian's heart broke and he put his hand to her face to wipe a tear away. "Peyton, even if you and Lucas get back together, we'll still be friends. As painful as it is to see you with him, it's much more painful not having you in my life."

"Thank you." Peyton whispered, looking into Julian's eyes.

He smiled. "Any time, friends?"

"Friends." She agreed with a small smile. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You won't have to find out." Julian promised, slipping a friendly arm around Peyton's shoulders.

So what if he wanted more? He'd never get it, he might as well settle for being her best friend.

Julian's dad Peter just walked in the door, "Hey guys"

"Hey dad"

"Hey Mr. Baker"

Kelly chose that moment to come out of the kitchen. "Hey, you're just on time." She greeted with a smile. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes."

Peyton stood up and handed T.J (Julian's baby brother ) to Peter. "I guess that means I should go."

"You don't have to." Kelly told her. "In fact I was kind of counting on you joining us for dinner."

"Come on, it would be fun." Julian told her with a smile.

Peyton thought about it for a second and then smiled. "Sure, I don't even thing my parents are going to be home anyway. I'm pretty sure Mom mentioned some business dinner-thingy."

Peter felt a surge of anger towards Anna. as Kelly smiled and reentered the kitchen and Peyton took T.J back. It wasn't the first time, either, for years he had wondered how Anna could treat her daughter the way that she did, like a doll that she played with when she felt like and pushed aside when she got bored. It wasn't fair to Peyton, she was a great girl, and he and Kelly had come to consider her an honorary daughter.

They had even entertained the idea of Julian and Peyton getting together, which would have pleased them both, but they had accepted that wasn't going to happen when Peyton began dating Lucas and things became strained between her and Julian.

Suddenly thinking of Lucas, Peter wondered if he knew where Peyton was. Then he took another look at her and suddenly realized that Lucas had something to do with her suddenly changed relationship with Julian.

_Maybe Kelly will know what's going on._ He thought as he entered the kitchen, figuring that Peyton might have come over to confide in Kelly, which was a normal occurrence given Peyton's relationship with her own mom.

Still, whatever was going on, it was nice to have Peyton hanging around the house again and having Julian look so happy.

* * *

Haley set the dinner table with a sigh, her mind elsewhere. "Why do I have to do this, it's Quinn turn?" She protested.

Her mother sighed. "Haley you _know_ that she worked tonight and that She'll set the table tomorrow."

"It's still not fair." Haley muttered.

"What's really wrong?" Her mother asked after a moment.

"What?" Haley asked in surprise, turning to stair at her mother.

"Honey, I know you. Somethings bothering you besides having to set the table when it's Quinn's turn. What is it?"

"Nathan and I broke up." Haley admitted after silently debating whether or not she should tell her mother.

"Really? When did that happen?"

"Friday. It was my idea."

"Why?" Her mother questioned, coming to stand beside her.

"I just needed a break." Haley said with a small smile, knowing that she couldn't tell her mother what was going on, she'd never understand.

"It will be okay." she said, She leaned over and gave her a hug. "It'll be okay, Baby." She comforted.

Haley hugged her mother back, wishing she could tell her the whole story, but knowing that she couldn't.

_She'd just freak out._ Haley thought sadly. She wouldn't realize how complicated things truly are, that's why I can't tell her. Especially if she finds out we have been sleeping together.

* * *

Lucas stared at his ceiling, trying to block out the sounds of his family fighting downstairs.

It sounded as if Dan and Kieth were going at it, over God only knew what, and so were Dan and Deb. Just a normal day at the Scott house..

Just then there was a knock on his bedroom door and he sighed as he got up to open it.

"You looked miserable when you came in." Nathan explained after his startled look. "And I figured that I would come up and check on you. No one will miss me for a little while."

"It's a war zone, isn't it?" Lucas asked, moving aside so Nathan could enter.

" But nothing new there." Nathan Laughed, " So what's wrong?" he asked quietly as he closed the door behind her.

Lucas sighed. "Peyton broke up with me. Or at least I think she did. We had a big fight."

"Why?" Nathan asked, clearly shocked?"

"Julian"

"Why? You said you trusted Peyton with Julian. So what happen?"

Lucas sighed. "I accused her of secretly having feelings for him."

Nathan took a deep breath. "Oh boy."

Lucas sighed again. "Yeah, hopefully she'll cool down by tomorrow and forgive me after I go begging on my knees."

Nathan smiled. "I'm sure she will, she's crazy about you. It's probably just temporary. Peyton would cool off and forgive you and tomorrow your be back on track "

" God I hope your right, I'm crazy about her to." Lucas smiled, "I can't picture myself without her.

"Do you really believe she might be hiding feeling for Julian?" Nathan asked, as Lucas took a deep breath.

"No, I don't know. I believe she loves me, I believe what we have is real. It just Julian knows her more than I do, and it bugs me. You know what I mean. it like, does she really belong with me or is she really suppose to be with Julian?"

"I get what your saying, and yeah Julian does know her more because he has been her best Friend for years. But you have something Julian, never did, and never will" Nathan said,

"What?" Lucas asked confusedly.

"Her heart" Nathan smiled. "She is hopelessly, head over heels, in love with you Lucas, And no matter what Julian does, or says, nothing will change her love for you. Believe me man she only has eyes for you."

Lucas smiled, "Yeah, She has my heart to, And I'm completely, hopelessly, head over heels in love with her to, I just hope she realizes that before it to late."

"You two will be fine." Nathan said, as hugged him. " You guys are like an epic love story and your Tree Hill High's most solid couple."

Lucas shook his head, "Your crazy man " He laughed, but secretly agrees with him. "Lets go grab something to eat, I'm starved."

"Okay."

"Hey, Nath, you and Haley will work things out to. I know you will." Lucas said, as they walked down the stairs.

"I hope so man." Nathan said, as he followed behind. "I miss her, I miss her like crazy."

"I know, everything will work out." Lucas smiled, as they hopped in his car. "_At least I hope it does." _Lucas thought, as he pulled out of the drive way.


	13. Sunday December 24th Christmas Eve

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 13**

**Sunday December 24th Christmas Eve.**

"You look happy." Lucas said, coming up behind Peyton and wrapping his arms around her waist.

She Lean back against him with a smile. "I am." She told him softly. "Why wouldn't I be? I'm surrounded by my friends and family, and what's more important is that I'm with you."

Lucas smiled and tightened his hold on Peyton. "I love you." He whispered, placing a kiss on top of her head.

Peyton snuggled close to him. "I love you too. Merry Christmas, Lucas."

"Merry Christmas." Lucas replied lovingly, running his fingers through her golden locks.

"I hope that this is only just the first Christmas we'll spend together." She said softly, smiling up at him.

"It is." He promised. "We'll share lots more together."

Peyton gave him a loving smile, her green eyes showing how much the idea appealed to her.

Lucas smiled down at her, glad that they had worked out their problems of a few weeks ago.

The day after their fight he had begged her forgiveness and she given it, telling him afterwards that their fight had actually given her the chance to fixs her relationship with Julian.

Which meant a lot to her, Lucas knew. He knew that _he _was the one that Peyton loved, but that Julian's friendship meant a lot to her and he was glad that she had gotten it back.

As he held his girlfriend close to him, Lucas's eyes sought his rival and saw that he was talking to Brooke.

_They do look good together._Lucas thought, wondering if Julian would ever see that Brooke was as in love with him as he was with Peyton? _Maybe they new year will bring a new romance for the two of them. Peyton would like that, she just wants them both to be happy._

Lucas gazed down at her and saw that her eyes were all fastened on Julian and Brooke and realized that she was thinking the same thing as him.

She gazed back at him and they shared a tender smile, each forgetting about the other couple as they concentrated on each other and their love which had blossomed over the last few months.

* * *

"They look good together don't they." Julian commented quietly, looking over at where Lucas and Peyton stood, totally absorbed in each other.

"They do." Brooke agreed, surprised at the lack of jealousy in Julian's tone. "Does it bother you?"

Julian smiled sadly. "Yes and no. There's a part of me that wishes it was me, but it's not and she loves him. That's what matters."

Brooke smiled. "That's a good way of looking at things and this may be cold comfort, but Peyton values your friendship more than anything."

"Thanks." Julian said quietly. "I values hers too. I've finally realized that I'd rather be her best friend than nothing at all."

Brooke was quiet for a moment before smiling. "You know, I think this conversation is too sombre for a Christmas party! Let's go get some eggnog!"

Julian grinned and stood up. "Alright." He agreed, following her over to the refreshment table, but he stopped halfway there.

"Why did you stop?" Brooke asked curiously, glancing over at him.

"We're standing under the mistletoe." Julian said, leaning over to give her a brief kiss. "Merry Christmas, Brooke."

"Merry Christmas." Brooke whispered, hardly able to contain her joy.

Julian had kissed her! Maybe there was hope after all.

"Now let's go get that eggnog." He whispered.

"Let's." Brooke agreed with a smile, practically skipping over to the refreshments table. What a wonderful day!

* * *

"Brooke looks happy." Kelly observed to Victoria a little later on, meeting up with her friend for the first time since the party had begun. Just about everyone they knew had gathered together for the annual Christmas Eve party and they were all spread out around the room.

"She's on cloud nine." Victoria agreed. "Didn't you see Julian kiss her under the mistletoe?"

"No, I must have missed it." Kelly told her, thinking suddenly about the pairing of Julian and Brooke.

It would be a good match, she mused, not the one that she had been hoping for, but... She gazed over at where Peyton stood in conversation with Brooke and noticed that every so often the girl would look over at Lucas and smile tenderly. Her love for him was obvious to anyone who watched them.

Which was why there was no chance of anything ever happening between Julian and Peyton, her heart lay elsewhere. And Kelly knew that after Peyton, who would always be like a daughter to her, Brooke was her second choice for the woman who would win Julian's heart.

"I wonder if something will happen between them." She said softly.

"I hope so." Victoria said with a smile. "But, I don't think Julian realizes how she feels."

"He will." Kelly said quietly. "He just needs to get over Peyton first. But it will happen."

* * *

Haley watched as her friends all participated in decorating the tree, and snuck a glance at Nathan. He was talking to Lucas, but his eyes were glued on _her_.

She knew that she had to talk to him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, not yet. So, she had spent the last three weeks avoiding him, hoping to put off inevitable confrontation as long as possible. She wasn't sure her heart could take it.

After a moment she decided to head over to Peyton and Brooke, hoping that they could take her mind off Nathan. As she approached them, she bumped into someone.

"I'm so sorry." She apologised. "I wasn't looking-"

"It's alright." A male voice interrupted.

Haley looked up to see Brooke's brother Tyler looking down at her with a grin.

"But you do know we're under the mistletoe, don't you?" He said with a grin, leaning down to kiss her.

Lucas saw Tyler lean down to kiss Haley and instantly grabbed Nathan's arm to stop him from going over there and starting a fight with Tyler.

"Nathan." He said quietly. "Getting all macho isn't going to win Haley back."

Nathan sighed. "I know, I just want to kill him."

Lucas chuckled. "I understand, if it was Peyton... We're both macho jerks, it's something we have to work on."

Nathan nodded, his eyes still glued to Haley who had pulled away from Tyler and was heading out doors. "I'm going to talk to her, right now. She's been avoiding me long enough."

Lucas groaned as he watched Nathan follow Haley, hoping that his friend wasn't about to make things even worse.

* * *

Haley buried her face in her hands, thinking about what had just happened. It just made things even more complicated. She knew that it didn't mean anything, it was just a holiday kiss, but it was certain to set Nathan's temper off and she didn't want to have to deal with that.

Just then, she heard footsteps and turned to see Nathan standing behind her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked softly, trying not to show how upset she was.

"We need to talk." Nathan told her quietly, obviously trying to stay calm.

"Alright." Haley agreed, knowing that she couldn't put it off any longer. "Where?"

"My car." Nathan answered after a moment.

The two were silent as they made their way to his car and got in.

"So," Haley began after a moment.

"So." Nathan said, obviously as uncomfortable as her. "Haley...I was a jerk, I know that. Possessive, jealous, I treated you like a possession. I'm sorry."

Haley was blown away. She had never imagined that Nathan would understand and that he would actually apologise.

"It's alright." She said quietly. "At least you realize what went wrong. But where do we go from here?"

"I don't know." Nathan told her. "I love you, but things were pretty messed up between us, weren't they?"

"Yeah." She agreed quietly. "They really were and I don't know if I can do that again."

"I want to tell you that it's over and that all I've never behave like that again, but I can't. I can tell you that I'm trying to change, but I don't know if that's enough."

"Neither do I." Haley said after a long moment. "Nathan, I just don't know. I just need some time to think, maybe then we'll know where to go from here."

"Maybe." Nathan agreed quietly.

Haley felt tears well up in her eyes as she got out of the car. She wondered why things had to be complicated and wished that she knew what to do because she was so confused.

* * *

Peyton watched as Nathan followed Haley out the door and wondered what was about to happen between the two of them. She knew that whatever it was, it wasn't likely that it would be pleasant. There was too much emotion involved on both sides. She prayed that having went alright and then decided to go and talk to Lucas.

"What do you think is happening out there?" Lucas asked her as soon as she approached him.

"I don't know." She told him quietly. "But I know that whatever happens out there, it has to happen before they can take the next step and see where their relationship goes from here."

"Do you think they can fix it?"

"I hope so." Peyton told him, before smiling. "But can we talk about this later? I want to focus on better things."

"Such as?" Lucas asked with a grin.

"This." Peyton told him, kissing him tenderly. "I love you, Lucas."

"I love you too." Lucas told her softly. "Peyton, would it be alright if I came over early tomorrow?"

"What?" Peyton asked in surprise. "Why?"

"I want to see you before everyone else does and I want to exchange presents in private. I know that we're all getting together to exchange them together, but I'd rather do it with just you. Do you mind?"

"No." Peyton told him without a moment's hesitation. "But my parents might."

"They don't have to know." Lucas told her. "I could throw rocks at your window and you could let me in."

Peyton thought about what he said and shivered for a moment. The thought of Lucas in her bedroom early in the morning without her parents knowing was both terrifying and exciting.

But she trusted Lucas and knew that he wouldn't do anything she didn't want him to, so she nodded.

"Alright." She said shyly.

Lucas just grinned and kissed her.

Peyton lost herself in him, wondering for a moment if it would always feel like this when she was in his arms, warm, safe, exciting. When she was with Lucas she felt as if she could do anything as long as she had him by her side. _It's the most wonderful feeling in the world._ She thought as the kiss deepened and after a moment the thoughts faded as she became aware of nothing other than Lucas and that moment.


	14. Monday, December 25th, Christmas Day

**A/N: Hey guys, just want to give a little thank you, for the reviews. **

**This chapter is all Leyton, so I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

**Friends and Lovers**

**Chapter 14**

**Monday, December 25th Christmas Day.**

Peyton woke up to the sound of something being thrown against her window and realized after a moment that it was Lucas. She took a quick glance at the alarm clock and saw that it was 6:00 in the morning. After a moment, she got out of bed and opened the window.

"Lucas?" She called out softly. "I'll be down in a minute to let you in."

"Alright." He called back.

She smiled to herself as she grabbed her robe and hurried down the stairs. There was something about Lucas that always made her happy to see him, no matter how early in the morning it was.

"Merry Christmas." He told her after she let him in.

"Merry Christmas." She told him with a smile as they walked back to her bedroom and locked the door behind him.

"So, what was so important that we had to meet at six a.m.?" She asked with a slight yawn.

Lucas smiled at her, "God, you look Beautiful in the morning."

"Stop it" Peyton said, as she blushed a little.

"Hey, I'm only been honest. " He said, as he took a seat on her bed and then handed her a larger box. One of the two packages he carried. "I didn't really want an audience when I gave you these."

Peyton eyed the package curiously as she sat down next to Lucas and began to unwrap it.

She smiled when she saw his varsity jacket in the box. She understood the meaning behind it and knew that by giving it to her he was laying claim. It was a high school tradition that she had never particularly cared for, she had rolled her eyes when Haley had shown off Nathan's jacket which he had given to her on their three month anniversary, but now she saw a different meaning behind it. Lucas was showing everybody how much he cared for her by giving her the jacket and she was touched.

She looked up at her boyfriend and smiled. "Thank you." She whispered.

"I'd hoped you'd like it." Lucas told her tenderly. "Now, go ahead, open your other gift."

Peyton looked at him for a moment before doing just that. Once she had opened it she gasped. Inside a blue velvet jewellers box was a beautiful sapphire heart on a silver chain.

"It's gorgeous." She whispered.

"It's a symbol of the fact that you've won _my_ heart." Lucas told her softly.

"Oh, Lucas, thank you, it's so beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." Lucas told her sincerely.

"Thank you." Peyton whispered again with a blush as she stood up to get Lucas's gift from her closet. Once she had retrieved it, she sat down on the bed again and handed it to him.

Lucas smiled at Peyton when he took in opened his gift, It was a cd.

"I wrote you two songs, and I was afraid to sing them to you. So I went down to the studio and they helped me. Put them on a CD. "

"Thank you, Baby." He whispered. "These will definitely be used often. I'll play the CD every time I'm in the car, so I can think about you."

"I'm glad you like it." Peyton whispered, reaching up to kiss him.

Lucas pushed their gifts out of the way as the kiss grew more and more passionate, after a few minutes they had fallen back on the bed.

"We should stop." Lucas whispered, his breathing heaving.

"We should." Peyton agreed, running one hand across Lucas's lips. "But I don't want to."

"You don't." Lucas asked in surprise.

"No." Peyton told him, slightly surprised herself.

But she knew that it was what she wanted. She and Lucas might not have been dating very long, but she knew that she loved him and he loved her and he was the one she wanted her first time to be with. She loved and trusted him completely and knew that she was ready for this step. To show how ready she was, she kissed him again.

Lucas responded passionately, sliding her robe off and deepening the kiss until neither one of them were aware of anything but each other.

When they finally broke away for air, Lucas sat up and pulled Peyton onto his lap. She straddled him as he slipped his hands under her tank top and began to caress her breasts. As his hands began to move lower.

He smiles his studious smile with a playful hint that crosses between their lips. When tongue meets tongue two souls unite, combining into one, their worlds just their own. A mental escape breezes by as they hold each other tightly, closely, their breaths merely just disillusionment to live because it was them, it was within each other they felt alive.

She moans as he lowers his lips on her neck, her fingers rummaging through his blond hair.

He lifts his shirt over his head revealing his well formed chest and sculpted abs. He smiles and so does she. He leans his head as she raises her to meet him half way for an obsessive kiss that takes hold of the both of them.

He watches as she removes her robe and then her tank top, his breathing shallows and his eyes darken. He stares for a moment, stuck as she slowly pull the bra off.

"You're beautiful…" he swallows the lump in his throat. "…Just everything about you." He starts to whisper as his voice lowers and get caught inside of him.

"Make Love to me Lucas…"Peyton says quietly but confidently , as she removes herself from his lap, then sinks to the bed as he pins her down.

He whispers kisses down her neck following her collarbone and down to the valley of her breast, lining her stomach with his wet tongue that draws circles in an attempt to make her yelp under his own skin.

Their breathing adjoins as he trails back up kissing her fully on the mouth.

"Are you sure?" He needed to ask just once more.

All her doubts evaporated as she forgot about everything except Lucas and what he made her feel. Maybe it wouldn't last forever, though she hoped that it would, maybe what they had would fade, but they'd always share this moment and that was that all matter right now.

"Yes."

She leans in and begins to kiss him. He returns the kiss. She was running her hands up and down his arms and shoulders, enjoying the feeling of his lips and tongue on her skin. She began unbuttoning his shirt and removing it. Kissing his shoulders as she removed it. Their movements becoming more heated as the moments passed. Lucas reached down pulling her black shorts off of her.

She was dressed in red lace panties. She unbuttoned his pants and he assisted her by stepping out of his shoes and pants.

"God, Peyton. You are gorgeous." Lucas said while they continued to kiss and caress each other.

"I love you." Peyton said in appreciation.

"I love you too."

Luke slowly removed underwear showering her with kisses at the skin he passed along the way." After removing the remainder of her clothing he gently laid her back on the bed. He lowered himself so that he was lying half way on top of her. Still showering her with kisses and gentle begin to kiss again and they locked eyes and Lucas took in Peyton's beauty He sat up so that he could crawl on his knees astride her hips.

Life was short, she knew that she had to enjoy it while it lasted, and right now this was what she wanted more than anything else. To be in Lucas's arms and to give into the feelings that had consumed her for so long.

When he finally entered her it was slow and gentle. He allowed time for her to adjust to him and when she nodded her approval they started to move together.

And now that moment had finally come, she pushed everything else out of her mind and gave into the oblivion that was Lucas.

* * *

**They finally made love, is that a good thing or a bad thing. Let me know what you think. **

**I didn't get all smut like, because this story is rated T. So I wanted to stay in the T rated lines. **

**Thanks for reading and the awesome reviews.  
Cindy. **


	15. Sunday, December 31st, New years eve

_Sunday, December 31st, New Years Eve_

Peyton sat on her bed, her diary in her hand. She was thinking about the last year and everything that had happened.

After a moment she finally began to write.

_Dear Diary, _

_It's 6:30 on New Year's Eve and Julian will be here soon to take me to Lucas party. I know, deja vu, huh? But it won't be like last time, there are no tensions threatening to burst. At least none that revolve around me. _

_Haley and Nathan are still pretty tense, but I guess that's understandable. I feel kind of bad that my love life is so wonderful while Haley's is falling apart, but I guess that's life. _

_Anyway, the last year has had a lot of ups and downs. Like, the thing with Julian, I really do wish I could have prevented it, but I guess it was inevitable, I'm just glad we're starting to work things out. I can't imagine not having him in my life. _

_But, you know, the ups out numbered the downs. Especially Lucas, he's the best thing that happened to me in the last year, maybe ever. He makes me feel like there's nothing I can't do as long as he's by my side. _

_I know sixteen's young and we haven't been together very long, but I know that I love him, and I know I was right in giving him my virginity. It wasn't planned, it wasn't expected, but it was perfect, because it was Lucas._

_Mom always told me to wait until I was __**in**__ love to make love and I did. I know I love Lucas and I think I always will, but even if I don't, I'm definitely glad he was my first. _

_And before you ask, yes we used protection. I mean, I'm not stupid, I don't want to get pregnant. At least, not now. I mean, when we're older and out of college, it might be nice to have Lucas children... _

_Okay, I can't believe I just wrote that, I'm too young to be even thinking about that, but it would be nice wouldn't it? Anyway, I should go, Julian will be here in a few minutes and I have to finish get ready. _

_Happy New Year,  
Peyton_

Peyton put down her pen and got off her bed. She thought about what she had written and sighed. It had certainly been an interesting year, hopefully the next one will be a little less eventful. She wasn't sure she could take another year like the one that had just passed.

* * *

Julian glanced at his clock, he had twenty minutes before he had to pick up Peyton. On impulse he picked up his journal and began writing.

_New Years Eve, _

_Well, it's New Years Eve and guess where I'm spending it? At the Scott mansion. Fun, huh? _

_I know, I know, after everything that happened the last time I went to one of Lucas parties I would ever want to go to one again? Because Brooke and Peyton convinced me. What guy can resist when both of them turn on the charm? Unfortunately, not me. _

_I wish I could because I don't think I want to watch Peyton and Lucas be all happy and in love. _

_Don't get me wrong, I've given up any romantic hopes I had for Peyton and I and have accepted that I'll never be anything except the best friend, but that doesn't mean I have to like watching her in someone else's arms. _

_There's also the fact that I don't like Lucas. I mean, I'm trying for Peyton's sake, but it's so hard to see him as anything but the self-centered, conceited jerk he's been for so long. Still, maybe he has changed. I don't know. _

_I don't really care. Peyton's my friend and she always will be, I'll put up with Lucas, but I don't think I'll ever be friends with him. After all how can I be friends with the guy who won the heart of the girl I've loved for so long? _

_Well, I've got to pick Peyton up. More later._

Julian put down his journal and thought about what he had written. It was true, he honestly doubted he'd ever like Lucas, though he'd try for Peyton's sake. Just like he was trying to move on for her sake.

* * *

Haley held her pen in her hand and thought about what to write. How did she convey her feelings about everything that was going on adequately? It was such a mess.

But she knew that this was the best way to get it all out and dealt with, so after a long moment she began.

_Dear Diary, _

_It's New Years Eve and I can't help wonder what the New Year will bring. _

_I also can't help but think of Nathan. He'll be at the party tonight, of course, and I wonder how things will be between us. We haven't talked since Christmas Eve, we're both trying to figure out our feelings. _

_I honestly don't even know how I feel. I've loved him for so long, but he scares me, or at least his temper does, and I don't know if I can't trust him not to hurt me. I want to, I want nothing more than to go back to him, but it's more than complicated than that. _

_Everything is complicated now, for all of us. I remember when Peyton and I were kids playing with our dolls and dreaming of growing up. Well, now that we're almost there, it's nothing like we imagined. I mean, I always thought it would be so much fun, I never imagined all the pain. Just goes to show that nothing is like it seems, huh? _

_Well, I just reread what I wrote. It's really bitter, so I'm going to stop now. _

_Bye,  
Haley_

Haley set her diary aside as tears began to fall down her face. Everything was so hard, these last few months had been so complicated. All she wanted was an easy solution to every thing that was going on. But one wasn't coming and she was afraid that it would be a while before she figured out away out of this mess and that scared her deeply, so she cried as a method of release.

* * *

Nathan looked down at his journal. He rarely ever wrote in the thing, but now seemed like the perfect time. He had a little while before the party started and, there was so much he just needed to get off his mind so he grabbed his journal and began to write.

_It's New Years Eve and I hope that in the New Year I figure things out. Right now not knowing what will happen, what should happen, is driving me insane. _

_I know that I love Haley and that I want a second chance. But I also know I screwed up royally last time and that I have a problem. I'm trying to change, but I'm terrified I won't and that things will only get worse between us. I don't want that. _

_I want what Lucas has. He and Peyton are so happy together, when they're together as if they don't have a single care in the world outside one another. _

_Haley and I were never like that, we were always intense. Correction, __**I**__ was always intense. Whatever problems we had, they were my fault, my behaviour caused them. _

_Now, I just have to find a solution to the problem and figure out if it's too late or if I can have another chance with her._

He put down the pen, unable to write anymore. He wasn't a touchy-feely kind of guy, not even with his journal and he felt uncomfortable bearing his soul like that, even to himself. So, instead of write more, he stood up and decide to get ready for the party. He could think more about Haley and their relationship later, preferably when he was drunk.

* * *

Brooke looked down at her diary, which was nestled on her lap. She couldn't explain it, she had just gotten the urge to write everything she was feeling down. Which was why she was sitting on her bed half-dressed, pouring her thoughts out onto paper.

_Dearest Diary, _

_It's New Years Eve and I wonder next year will bring. I'm not even going to hope that it'll bring a romance with Julian, because I know that he's clueless. _

_Why? Why can't he see how much he means to me? It's not fair. I know we could be happy. If only he'd realize... _

_Oh, well, I guess I should not hoping for the impossible. That's going to be my resolution, you know, to accept the fact that Julian is never going to notice me. _

_Great resolution, huh? But practical, after all I had to realize it sometime. _

_That's all for now,  
Brooke_

Brooke put away her diary and stood up to finish getting ready. There, she had written down what she had known for ages, that Julian Baker was never going to notice her. The kiss on Christmas Eve had been nothing more than a friendly holiday kiss, she knew that and knew better than to read anything else into it, though how she wanted to.

There was nothing she wanted more than to imagine a future with Julian, a future she knew was never going to happen.

* * *

Lucas looked down at his journal and after a moment decided to write a quick entry. So much had changed in the last little while and, besides Peyton, his journal was the only place he could share it.

So after a glance at the clock to check how much time he had before his guests started to arrive, he picked up the pen and began to write.

_New Years Eve _

_There's so much to write, but I'm not sure how. These last few months... They've been like heaven. _

_Being with Peyton knowing that she loves me, there's nothing that could ever compare to that. To her. She's everything. I know, it's hard to believe, that Lucas Scott is so gone over a girl, but it's true. I love her. _

_I never imagined feeling this way about anyone, yet, when I'm with her it's hard to imagine not feeling this way. I know we're young, but I honestly believe what Peyton and I have is going to last. I mean, I feel as if I can see the future in her eyes and I can feel it in my heart. We might have long, hard road ahead of us, but peyton and I will make it. I know we will. _

_Just as I know that the New Year will bring us even more happiness. _

_Well I've got to go,  
Lucas_

Lucas put down the pen and reread what he had written with a smile. He meant every word of it, he honestly believe that what he shared with Peyton was the real thing and that it would last.

Before he could get lost in thought, he heard the doorbell ring, announcing that the party was about to start, and hurried down the stairs.

* * *

Peyton looked around the room, trying to spot her closest friends. It was almost midnight and she hadn't seen any of them since the party started.

Her eyes widened when she finally caught sight of them. Julian was sitting in a corner, drowning his sorrows in some of the spiked punch.

Peyton debated going over to him, but decided it would only make things worse. Still, she wondered what could make him so unhappy, she doubted it was just her.

Her confusion mounted when she spotted Haley talking to some guys, but looking past them with an unhappy look in her eyes.

The Peyton spotted what she believed was making the other two so unhappy. An obviously drunk Brooke was practically sitting on Nathan's lap, and he was just as drunk.

"Oh, boy." She murmured, wondering what was going on.

"What's wrong?" Lucas asked as he came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Look." She said softly, nodding to Nathan and Brooke.

Lucas eyes widened. "What in the Hell are they doing?" He asked in disbelief.

"That's what I'd like to know." Peyton told him. "All I know is that they're drunk and that Haley and Julian aren't too pleased."

"Damn." Lucas swore, looking at all their friends in turn. "This is a mess."

"Oh, yeah." Peyton agreed, then she sighed. "Lucas do you have three empty guest rooms we could make up, after all your parents out of town, right?"

"Right." Lucas agreed. "And yeah, we do. But why three? One for Haley, one for Brooke, and one for...?"

"Julian." Peyton answered. "He'll be in no condition to drive either. I'm staying too."

"But you won't need a room." Lucas said softly, running his hands through her hair.

"I won't ?" Peyton asked with a smile. "I suppose you already have a place arranged for me?"

"Yes I do." Lucas whispered in her ear. "Right next to me."

Peyton blushed slightly, then turned around and smiled up at her boyfriend. "Right where I want to be for the rest of my life."

"That can be arranged." Lucas told her, leaning down to give her a tender kiss.

Peyton wrapped her arms around her neck in response, wondering if it would always be this could between them. She hoped so, it was like magic.

* * *

Nathan looked over at Brooke and wondered if he had lost his mind.

He knew that flirting with Brooke was not the way to win Haley back, but right now it felt so good. It felt great to forget about Haley for a while and to concentrate on someone who obviously enjoyed his company.

He understood that, like him, part of her behaviour was directed by frustration and another part by the alcohol, but it didn't matter. Right now, he really didn't care. He didn't even care thar Haley was watching or not.

"You know, we probably shouldn't be doing this." Brooke told him, as she tossed her hair back out of her face.

"Probably not." Nathan agreed, reaching over and running one hand through the silky black locks. "But we are."

"And it feels good." She said bluntly. "For the first time in months, I don't give a damn about whether or not Julian is ever going to notice me."

"I know how you feel." Nathan echoed me. "I don't even care about what's going on with Haley."

"And it feels nice, doesn't it?" "

It does." He agreed. "So does this."

He couldn't stop himself from leaning in and kissing her, to his surprise Brooke didn't pull away and instead she deepened the kiss. Nathan pulled her on to his lap and forgot about everything else, as he concentrated on Brooke and this moment.

Maybe it was wrong, maybe it would screw up everything, but right now it felt so _right_.

* * *

Haley watched in a combination on horror and pain as Nathan leaned down and kissed Brooke.

It had been hard enough to watch them flirt for the last couple hours, but now... She felt like her heart was being ripped out.

She wondered why Nathan was doing this. He had seemed sincere about trying to work things out, but now he was making with Brooke in front of everyone.

Still, she reminded herself that it was none of her business, after all she had dumped him. But, that didn't stop her from wanting to walk right over there and give Brooke a good slap for messing with her man.

_But he's not mine._ She thought sadly. _Not anymore. I let him go._

The thought just made her more depressed and she decided to take Julian's example and drown her sorrows. At least then she wouldn't have to face the reality of what was happening.

* * *

Julian watched Brooke and Nathan, wondering why the image was affecting this way.

_Because you like her, you idiot._ A voice in his head said.

Julian blinked in shock, wondering if it was true. Then he realized that it was, he had grown to care about Brooke in the last few months, and as more than a friend.

He didn't feel about her the same he felt about Peyton, but she was still important to him. And he had just realized it now.

At that moment, he also realized that she had feelings for him. Now that he thought about it, it was really obvious. But he had been oblivious, just like Peyton had been.

Julian buried his head in his hands, unable to believe what an idiot he had been. He had been so busy mooning over Peyton that he hadn't even noticed the great girl he had right in front of him until now. And now it was too late.

He looked over at Brooke and Nathan again and felt his heart break at the image.

Then he looked over at where Peyton and Lucas were and noticed that they were kissing too. While he felt a dull ache at the picture, he realized that it was nothing compared to what he felt watching Brooke and Nathan.

Without even realising it, his feelings for Peyton had started to go away, while his feelings for Brooke had grown.

_I'm an idiot._ He thought with a groan, as he reached for another drink.

He had a feeling this was going to be a very, very, long night and he wanted to get as drunk as he could.

* * *

"One minute to go until midnight." Lucas whispered in Peyton's ear. "Have you made up your resolution yet?"

Peyton turned to face him a smile on her face. "Yeah. My resolution is that I'm going to stop worrying about the choices everyone else makes and let them live their own lives." Peyton told him.

Lucas glanced over at where Brooke and Nathan were making out, oblivious to the world around them.

"Good choice." He said dryly. "Is that your only resolution?"

Peyton shook her head. "No, my other resolution is to spend as much time as possible with the man I love."

Lucas grinned and wrapped his arms around her. "Is that so? It just happens that my resolution is to make sure that you always know how much I love you."

Peyton smiled and was about to say something when the countdown began. She turned from Lucas and instead looked at the big screen TV.

"10...9...8...7..." Everyone in the room chanted. "6...5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year!"

Peyton turned back to Lucas and kissed him tenderly.

"Happy New Year." Peyton whispered once they pulled away.

"Happy New Year to you to." Lucas whispered lovingly. "This is just the first of many we'll spend together."

"I can't wait." Peyton whispered, pulling him down to kiss him again.

* * *

Tyler watched from a corner of the room as Lucas and Peyton kissed at the stroke of midnight.

"Next year it'll be me." He promised himself softly.

His New Year's resolution was that he wouldn't rest until Peyton realized that Lucas wasn't right for her and that he was.

Soon, he would begin to put his plan into motion. He'd start by making her see how different she and Lucas were and how they had no future.

Tyler grinned, confident that his plan would work. For the moment, though, he decided to push his plan aside and concentrate on having a good time.

He wandered around for a while, talked to a few people, had a few drinks. Just generally enjoying himself.

Then, about an hour after midnight, he decided to go look for Brooke and see what she was up to, since he hadn't seen her since soon after they arrived at the party. He circulated around looking for his sister, but when he finally did find her, he froze.

His precious baby sister was making out with some strange guy!

* * *

Nathan ran one of his hands through Brooke's silky hair, as his tongue continued to massage hers. Even though he knew that this was wrong and that he should stop it, every moment he continued to lose himself in Brooke Davis a little more.

Then, suddenly, he felt himself being ripped away from her and was suddenly greeted with a fist in the face.

"Get away from my sister." The owner of that fist, growled as he stood over Nathan who now was sprawled on the floor.

Nathan's alcohol induced haze cleared just enough for him to recognise Brooke's brother, Tyler, the same guy who had kissed Haley on Christmas Eve!

He managed to stand up and glared at Tyler. "She's not a child." Nathan informed his enemy. "She's old enough to make her own damn decisions."

"If you ever touch her again, I'll kill you." Tyler informed him coolly.

"Tyler!" Brooke screamed, getting up to stand next to Nathan.

"I'm not going to let him take advantage of you." Tyler informed her.

"He's not taking advantage of me." Brooke said angrily. "I might be drunk, I'm still sober enough to know what I'm doing. And I'm doing it out of my own free-will, so butt out."

Tyler didn't say anything, just glowered at his sister and prepared to hit Nathan again.

Nathan tried to duck out of the way, then realized that someone had stopped Tyler's fist.

Lucas. He and Peyton had now joined them, so now he had an audience of people who's attention had evidently been captured by the scene.

"Let me go, Lucas." Tyler growled. "This isn't any of your business."

"Since it's my house, it is." Lucas told him calmly. "Now, can we settle this peacefully or do I have to throw you out?"

"You wouldn't dare." Tyler said defiantly

Nathan realized that Tyler was just drunk as he was which is why he was acting like such an ass.

"Wouldn't I?" Lucas asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm in charge. You're causing a scene."

"If you throw out anyone it should be him!" Tyler declared, pointing at Nathan. "He's the one who's taking advantage of my sister!"

"Tyler!" Brooke screamed. "I told you, I know what I'm doing! So leave me out of this! And leave Nathan alone!"

"Fine." Tyler said angrily. "I'm leaving, but tomorrow morning when you realize what you've done and regret it, don't come to me for sympathy!" With that he angrily stormed out, leaving everyone staring at him.

"You know, I think the party's over." Lucas said to the crowd. People booed, but slowly began to stream out of the Scott mansion. Brooke got ready to leave, but Lucas stopped her.

"No way are you driving home tonight." Lucas told her. "You're staying here, end of story."

"Good." Brooke said dryly. "My ride already left."

Lucas nodded and then turned to Nathan. "I'm going to go find Haley and Julian. They're in no condition to drive either."

"I'll go with you." Peyton offered, giving Brooke a small smile of support, before following Lucas to go look for their friends.

Nathan watched them go with a groan, he certainly wasn't looking forward to seeing Haley in the morning. But then again, he had a feeling he wouldn't be looking forward to seeing _anyone_ when he woke up.


	16. Monday, January 1st

_Monday, January 1st_

Julian woke up with a groan. His head was killing him. As he forced his eyes open and winced at the bright sunlight that was streaming in from the open window, he realized that he was not in his room.

"Where am I?"

Then everything came rushing back. The party, the large amount of alcohol he had consumed. Brooke and Nathan.

He groaned again with the memory. Damn, was this messy.

"What am I going to do?" He wondered out loud, as he dragged himself out of bed. He wasn't surprised to see that he was still fully dressed, just minus shoes, because given the shape he was in last night he was surprised he had even managed to get himself into bed.

_Well, at least I know one thing._ He thought, as he tried to clear his head. _I'm never going to drink that much ever again._

This really wasn't his best morning, he mused as he debated crawling back in bed and dying. His head felt like it was going to explode and his heart was breaking as the events of the previous night kept on playing over and over in his mind. Brooke and Nathan. The discovery of his feelings for Brooke. He loved her. Or at least he was falling in love with her. But he hadn't realized it until it was too late.

_What am I going to do?_ He wondered silently.

* * *

As soon as Brooke opened her eyes, all the memories of the previous night came back to her. Especially the part where she made out with Nathan Scott.

Yet, she didn't regret it. Not really. She had been drunk last night, yes, but she has still known what she was doing. She had was losing herself in the moment. And it had felt good.

Oh, she knew that a relationship wasn't in the cards for her and Nathan, there were too many factors on both sides. But she still didn't regret what had happened last night. She had needed it at the time.

Still, she knew that she needed to talk to Nathan and tell him that she wasn't upset with him and that she understood it was a one time thing.

Brooke got out of the bed and took a deep breath.

She wasn't looking forward to going downstairs. She had a feeling that Haley would be there and she knew that _that_ wouldn't be pleasant. Also she was a little embarrassed about her behaviour last night and wasn't sure how to face her friends.

But she had to and she wouldn't hide away or act ashamed. Because she wasn't. Embarrassed, yes, ashamed, no.

With that thought in her mind, Brooke began to get dressed.

* * *

Julian was waiting for Brooke when she came down stairs.

"Can we talk?" He asked her.

She nodded in confusion. "Sure."

The two of them grabbed their coats and shoes and headed out the door.

"What did you want to talk me about?" Brooke asked quietly.

"This." Julian told her, grabbing her and kissing her.

Once they parted Brooke stared at him in shock.

"Brooke, I love you." Julian said quietly, before she had a chance to say anything. "I realized that last night. It's not what I felt for Peyton, it's different. Don't get me wrong, I still care for Peyton. But I know now that we'll never be together and you know what? I'm okay with that, I'm moving on. I've also begun to fall in love with you."

Brooke was still silent, staring up at him with wide brown eyes. "Julian." She said finally. "You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that. I began to fall in love with you the moment I met you. I still love you, but..."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "Julian, last night I decided to move on and right now, I'm not sure if being with you is the right thing for me. Can you give some time?" She asked quietly.

Julain stared at her and then nodded. "Alright." He said softly.

"Thank you." She said quietly. "I just don't know if I can do this, if it's what's meant to be, then one day were be together."

* * *

The second Nathan opened his eyes, the events of the previous evening came flooding back.

_Oh, God._ He thought, knowing that he had to talk to Brooke and see what happened next.

_What do I __**want**__ to happen next?_ He asked himself suddenly.

He thought about it for a long moment and realized that he wasn't sure. On one hand he was attracted to Brooke, who wouldn't be, and he'd had fun the night before. But on the other hand, his heart still belonged to Haley.

_Who almost certainly doesn't want you after last night._ A little voice in his head reminded him.

Nathan sighed. Even if that was true, he did still love her. Besides, he didn't even know what Brooke wanted. After all, it was extremely possible that she wanted to forget that anything had ever happened and just move on with their lives.

Nathan swung himself out of bed. Well, whatever Brooke wanted, he might as well find out now rather than later.

* * *

Haley sat on the bed for a long time, not moving.

All she could do was think about what had happened the night before. Nathan and Brooke.

As soon as she had seen them together, she realized that she still loved Nathan. That she wanted him back. But was it too late? She wasn't sure.

What if something was happening between him and Brooke? She didn't think it was likely, after all Brooke was in love with Julian, but anything was possible.

Besides, even if nothing was happening between Nathan and Brooke, maybe last night was still a sign that he was moving on. Moving on without her.

God, how that hurt. When she had broken up with Nathan, she had honestly believed it was for the best, and maybe it was, but... She just wasn't sure if she could handle the thought of a life without him. He meant to much to her.

_What do I do?_ She asked herself silently. _How do I tell Nathan that I was wrong and ask him if it was too late or if we can have another chance?_

* * *

"Can we talk?" Nathan whirled around to see Haley standing behind him.

"Alright." He said, surprised. He wondered what Haley wanted to say to him, or if she just wanted to yell at him.

She took a deep breath. "Nathan, last night made me realize that I want you back." She said quickly.

Nathan stared at her. "What?" He asked hoarsely, unable to believe that he had heard her right.

"I want you back." She repeated softly. " I love you and I want another chance, can you give me one?"

Nathan was speechless. Haley wanted him back? Part of him was ecstatic, but another part knew that wasn't such a good idea. He knew that this was at least partly inspired by jealousy and that if it hadn't been for the Brooke thing she wouldn't have suggested it.

He also knew that they had lot to work through before they could get back together.

"Haley," he began softly, "don't get me wrong. I want us to get back together more than anything, but this isn't the right time."

"It isn't?" She asked softly.

Nathan shook his head. "No. We have a lot of stuff to talk over and work through before we can get back together. You were right on Christmas Eve when you said we needed time. We do."

Haley was silent for a long moment, finally she nodded. "You're right, it just..."

"I know." Nathan told her quietly. "It's okay."

He gave her a small peck on the cheek and then turned and walked away.

* * *

He knew that Haley needed some time alone, that they both needed it. They both needed to figure out where things stood and if they could make things work between them again.

"Hey," Nathan said quietly about an hour later, when he found Brooke sitting in the den, staring into space.

"Hey." She replied.

"Where's everyone else?" He asked as he took the seat next to her.

"Well Peyton and Lucas took a walk, Julain went home, and I don't know about Haley."

"She left too." Nathan said quietly.

"Ah." Brooke said quietly. "Was she upset about last night?"

"I don't know." Nathan told her. "But I do know that she wanted to get back together with me."

"And what did you say?" Brooke asked softly.

"I told her that we needed more time."

"Oh." Brooke said softly. "Julain finally asked me out."

"Congratulations." Nathan told her warmly. "I know that that's what you wanted."

"It is." She admitted. "But, I told him that I needed time too. Last night I was ready to move on, to give up on my impossible dream of getting together with Julian Baker and now that it's not so impossible, I'm not sure I'm ready for it. You know?"

"I know." He told her. "I mean, I've been dreaming of reuniting with Haley ever since the breakup, but... I guess I just don't think she has the right reasons for wanting to get back together."

"It's the same with Julian." Brooke told him. "I'm almost sure that he asked me out because of, you know, last night."

"I wanted to talk to you about that." Nathan said with a sigh. "Brooke, what did last night mean?"

"Can I save the hard ones for later?" Brooke asked. "I'm just not in the state of mind to answer them."

"Okay." Nathan agreed with a smile. "I can sympathise with that."

"Thanks." Brooke said, standing up. "I should go home. I have to deal with Tyler sometime. And as much as I'd love to put _that_ off as well, I really can't."

"Well, my sympathies." Nathan told her with a slight smile. "And I do apologise for my role in what happened between you and your brother last night."

Brooke smiled. "Don't worry about it. Tyler was acting like a jerk and he deserved what he got. As I told him last night, I'm old enough to make my own decisions, even if he doesn't approve. It's my life, not his."

* * *

Her words to Nathan were repeating in Brooke's mind as she entered her house. She wasn't overly anxious to see Tyler, but neither was she terribly afraid. As she had told Nathan, she was old enough to make her own decisions and she had. Tyler would just have to live with that.

"It's about time you got home." Tyler growled as she walked in the door.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Can't you give me a moments peace before you start at it?"

"No." He stated. "Did you wake up this morning and realize how big a mistake you made last night?"

"Actually, no." She told him. "I didn't, 'cause I don't think I made a mistake. Last night I did what I needed to do and if you don't like it, so what. This is my life Tyler, not yours."

"I'm just trying to protect you." He told her.

"Tyler, I don't need protection." She told him calmly. "I'm old enough to look out for myself."

"Really?" He asked in obvious disbelief. "It sure didn't look like it last night."

"Oh?" Brooke asked, raising her eyebrows. "What _did_ it look like?"

"It looked like you had latched onto the first available guy because you realized that you'll never have the guy you want, because he's hung up on your best friend." Tyler stated calmly.

Brooke laughed. "Really? And that's why when Julian asked me out this morning, I turned him down?"

Tyler stared at her. "Julian asked you out?"

"Yes he did." Brooke told him. "Not that it's any of your business. In fact nothing in my life is any of your business, so butt out."

With that, she turned and walked up the stairs, leaving her brother staring at her in amazement.

* * *

_Later that night_

"What?" Peyton asked in shock. "Julian asked you out?"

"Yeah." Brooke told her quietly. "But I told him I needed more time."

"To digest things, right?" Peyton asked. "I can understand. After all, things were certainly interesting on New Year's Eve."

"That's true." Brooke said. "Thanks for not reading me my rights about that, by the way?"

"Why would I?" Peyton asked, looking surprised. "Brooke, you're old enough to make your own decisions. If you don't regret it, then good for you. It's your life, you have to live it."

"I wish someone would tell my brother that." Brooke said dryly. "He's already told me that he thinks I'm an idiot."

"Don't listen to him." Peyton advised. "After all, it's not his life, is it? It's yours and your the one who has to make your own decisions. He doesn't get a say."

Brooke smiled at her friend. "Thank you." She said quietly. "Thank you for so much for not saying anything, for just being my friend. Your the best friend I could have asked for."

"Ditto." Peyton told her.

The two girls laughed and hugged.

"You staying the night?" Brooke asked when they pulled away.

"Sure." Peyton told her. "We can stay up late and gossip."

"Yeah you can tell me all the details about you and Lucas!" Brooke said with a laugh.

Peyton blushed, but smiled. "I guess."

Brooke smiled. "This'll be so much fun!"

"Definitely." Peyton agreed with another smile.

* * *

"Haley told you she wanted another try and you told her that you needed time?" Lucas asked in disbelief.

"Lucas, she was only doing it cause of the Brooke thing." Nathan told him seriously. "You know as well as I do, that there were serious problems with that relationship that it will take time to fix. I'm totally into doing that. If Haley and I give it another try, I don't want it to have the same problems as the last time. I don't want to go there again."

"I guess I understand that." Lucas told him. "It just sounds crazy."

"I know." Nathan said with a laugh. "But how about this,Julain finally opened his eyes and realized how great Brooke was and asked her out, but she said that she needed to think about it."

Lucas stared at him. "What? Are you sure?"

"Positive. She told me herself." Nathan told him. "We talked this morning."

"Ah, about what happened." Lucas said with a nod. "What did you guys decide to do?"

"Nothing." Nathan said. "We decided to postpone serious discussion until a later time. But I'm pretty sure that Brooke feels the same way I do that it was a one time thing. But if she doesn't... Well, it's an option I've never thought about and if it's available then I have some serious thinking to do."

"I'd say." Lucas said dryly.

"Yeah." Nathan agreed, then he changed the subject. "What are your plans for tonight?"

"Nothing. Peyton's at Brooke's and I'm pretty sure she'll be spending the night, so I'm all alone. Want to hang out, watch the game?"

"Sure." Nathan said with a grin.

Lucas grabbed the remote and flipped on the big screen TV.


	17. January 8th and 18th

**Well, I meant to write this one on the last chapter I just uploaded, But anyways, I am so so so so sorry for the lack of updates on all my stories. There is so much going on right now, I'm just not to sure how to handle it all. I feel like my world is falling down all around me. I haven't check my email in like forever, so I'm sorry for all the ones who send me messages in I never wrote back. I'm glad you all love my stories and thank you for worring about and thanks for all your prayers Boy did I need them. I was cleaning out my laptop when I saw some of the chapters for this story and my other ones.. So I decdied to stay up in try to post what i can. I'm trying to post chapters for all my stories, so please bear with me. Once again I'm sorry, and if you still reading this after a seven month wait THANK YOU SO MUCH.**

**Cindy :)**

_Monday, January 8th _

"Hi beautiful, ready to go back to the torture chamber?" Lucas asked with a grin as he picked Peyton up for the first day back to school.

She smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss as she climbed into the passenger's seat. "I'm ready, but I'm not sure about everyone else. Have you realized that no one in our little group is talking to anyone else, exempting us of course."

Lucas sighed. "The New Year's thing, right?"

Peyton nodded. "Yeah. Brooke and Haley won't talk, Brooke and Julian aren't talking, Haley and Nathan aren't talking, and Brooke and Nathan are talking, except neither one wants to say what has to be said."

"It's complicated." Lucas told her. "And I thought you were going to stay out of it?"

"I am, it's just... I wish everyone would get along."

Lucas smiled and squeezed her hand for a moment. "Of course you do, that's one of the reasons I love you so much."

Peyton smiled. "But I should mind my own business, right?"

"It would probably be best." Lucas agreed, as he parked the car at the school parking lot and they headed towards the front door.

"I know. It's just I'm so happy and I want everyone else to be to." Peyton told him.

Lucas stopped and gave her a quick kiss. "Don't worry, it'll happen. Just give it time."

Peyton smiled at Lucas and grabbed his hand as they continued walking towards the school.  
* * * * *

Brooke grabbed her books and closed her locker, before turning towards her first class. But on her way, she accidentally ran into someone.

"I'm so sorry..." She began, then she realized who it was she had bumped into. "Haley."

"Brooke." Haley said in a frosty voice. "Can't you watch where you're going?"

Brooke rolled her eyes. This was only the thrid time she had seen Haley since the party and on both occasions it had gotten nasty.

Haley obviously blamed her for what happened with Nathan. Though, in Brooke's opinion, she didn't have the _right_ to lay blame and Brooke let her know it.

Brooke ignored Haley's comment and picked up the book she had dropped. "If you'll excuse me, I have to get to class." She said coldly and she continued on her way.

Once she got to the empty class room, she sighed.

Since New Year's Eve, everything had been so difficult. Things were barely civil at home with Tyler, she had been avoiding Julian like crazy, and with the thing with Haley... Well, it wasn't fun.

_I just hope that something gets cleared up soon._ Brooke thought. _Because until it does, I don't think anyone will want to be around any of us._  
* * * * *

Julian saw Haley and Brooke's alteration and considered going after Brooke, but then thought better not since she had been avoiding him like plague since New Year's Day. He didn't really blame her. After all, it was an awkward situation.

He just wished there was some way he could let her know that he really did care for and it wasn't just because he was jealous. Yes, the thing with Nathan had awakened his feelings for her, but Julian was realising that they had been there for a while. He had just never noticed.

Just like he hadn't noticed that his feelings for Peyton were fading. Oh, they were still there, but they were no longer as powerful as they once were. Julian was actually succeeding in getting over her much to his relief.

Peyton would always be his best friend, but he had realized that they'd never be anything more and that as long as he had romantic feelings for her things would always be a little awkward between them and he didn't want that. He wanted things to be normal between them and slowly that was happening, much too relief.

But now that things with Peyton were working out, he wanted the same to happen with Brooke, he just didn't know if that was possible.

_I guess I'll just have to wait and see._ He thought with a sigh, the only problem was, he wasn't sure how much patience he had.

_Thursday, January 18th 2001_

_No, it can't be._ Peyton thought as she finished throwing up for the hundredth time in the last three weeks.

She was beginning to think that it wasn't stress that was making her sick, but... Maybe she was pregnant.

It was possible, after all she **was** sexually active, but... She and Lucas had always been careful.

_Not always._ A voice in her head reminded her.

Peyton groaned as she remembered. New Year's Eve. Everything was so messed up with the Brooke and Nathan thing, plus she and Lucas were a little tipsy themselves, and they had just forgotten... Oh, God. They had forgotten to use protection and now, now she might be pregnant.

_What am I going to do?_ She thought, dreading having to tell her parents if it was true. _Talk about following in their footsteps._

Peyton knew that she hadn't been planned. Her mom had been nineteen and just finished her freshmen year at NYU and her dad was about to start Med school, when they learnt that her Mom was pregnant.

It wasn't the ideal situation. Still, her parents had made it work. Her grandfather had tried to convince her mother to give her up for her adoption, but her mom refused and became estranged from her parents.

So, she had gotten a job and she and Larry had scraped every penny together so that they could pay for him to go to medical school and to raise Peyton as well. It had been rough, but they made it and now they were financially comfortable.

Still, Peyton wondered if sometimes her mother resented her for those years and if that was why they had never been close. She didn't know, but that she knew that her strained relationship with her mother was the reason that she couldn't go to her about this.

But she knew who she **could** talk to. Actually, there were two people she could talk to, two people who would offer her advice and support.

She pushed her hair back and grabbed her purse and decided to go see one of them, then afterwards she'd go see the other one.  
* * * * *

"Peyton, hi." Racheal said as she answered the door to her apartment. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed someone to talk to." Peyton told her.

She had decided to go see Racheal her cousin first because shehad been pretty young when she had gotten pregnant with her first child and also because she had always been close to Racheal and knew that she would be supportive.

"Sure, come in." Racheal told her, stepping back to allow Peyton access into the apartment.

Peyton took a good look at Peyton. At a little over four months pregnant she was only showing a little bit, but the pregnancy certainly had a good affect on her. She was glowing and she looked happier than Peyton had ever seen her.

"You look great." Peyton said as they both sat down on the couch.

"Thanks. I feel great."

"Sorry I haven't been around lately" peyton siad with a little frown

"Hey, I was young and in love once," Racheal smiled, "I know you have, school, your friends and Lucas, Don't worry about it."

"How's Mouth?" Peyton asked.

Racheal smiled again. "He's great. He can't wait to be a father, again.. The two of us are incredibly happy. Happier than I've ever imagined."

"I'm glad." Peyton said with a smile. "So when's the wedding?"

"Two months. I'll be a whale, but oh well. Mouth wants to have it before the baby's born, "Which reminds me, how would you like to be a bridesmaid?"

Peyton stared at her. "Really?"

"Yeah, Brandy, (Racheal five year old daughter) going to be my Maid of Honour and I want you and Brooke to be my bridesmaids. Haley going to be one too." She added,

"Well, I don't know about Brooke, but I'd be honoured." Peyton told her.

"Great." Racheal said. "Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

Peyton looked down at her hands. "I think I'm pregnant." She whispered.

Racheal stared at her for a moment. "Oh, Peyt." She said softly. "Are you okay?"

Peyton nodded. "Yeah, it's just scary. I don't know what to do."

"Have you taken a test yet?"

peyton shook her head. "No. But I've been sick a lot and I'm late, only a day or two, but... I'm pretty much always been steady."

"Have you and Lucas had unprotected sex?" Racheal asked quietly.

Peyton nodded. "Yeah. On New Year's Eve. A lot was going on, we had both been drinking, and I guess we just got carried away. That's the only time we didn't use protection, but..."

"Once is enough." Racheal said softly.

"Yeah."

"Have you told Lucas?"

Peyton shook her head. "No. I don't know how. I'm just so scared."

"Don't be." Racheal told her softly, patting her hand reassuringly. "Peyton, it'll be okay. Lucas loves you and he'll be there for you and somehow, the two of yous will come up with an answer."

Peyton looked up at Racheal, her blue eyes filled with tears. "Do you really think so?"

"I really do." Racheal assured her. "It's a bad situation, but you're strong and so is Lucas. You two can make it. I know you can, I will be here to.

Peyton ended up talking to Racheal for over an hour. She found her to be very supportive and comforting.

After she left, she decided to go see Kelly. She knew that Julian's mother would give her the love and comfort her own mother never would. Just like always.

"Peyton." Kelly said with a bright smile when she opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk, if that's okay." Peyton said softly.

ÔOf course it's okay." Kelly told her. "You can come here anytime you want."

Peyton smiled slightly and followed her to the couch.

"Now, what's wrong?" Kelly asked. "Are you and Lucas fighting again?"

Peyton shook her head. "No. I... I think I'm pregnant."

Kelly stared at her for a minute. "Oh, Peyton." She whispered finally.

Peyton began to cry. "I don't know what to do. I'm so scared and I know my parents will freak..."

"It's okay." Kelly comforted, wrapping her arms around her. "It's okay to cry. Let it out."

Peyton just continued to cry, taking comfort from the older woman, while at the same time desperately wishing that her own mother would offer her the same kind of support.


	18. Thursday January 18th

_Thursday, January 18th 2001_

Julian entered the house and to his surprise he found his mother comforting a crying Peyton

"What's wrong?" He demanded. "Did Lucas do something to you?

Peyton looked up at him, her green eyes filled with tears. Wordlessly she shook her head.

"Julian." His mother said quietly. "I think Peyton and I need to talk alone-"

"No!" Peyton interrupted. "He can stay. It's okay."

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked.

Peyton nodded. "I need a friend right now."

Her words and the hopeless tone in which she spoke them, caused Julian's heart to turn could tell that something was seriously wrong. Cautiously, he crossed the room until he was sitting down on the couch beside the two women. "What's wrong?" He asked gently.

Peyton turned to look at him, her face tear-stricken and her green eyes watery. "I think I'm pregnant." She whispered.

The words were like a punch in the gut to him. Pregnant. That meant that she and Lucas have been together in ways that he wasn't able to stand, She has been sleeping with Lucas, What the hell? Julian didn't know why it hurt so much. But it did. Nothing else had ever hurt him like this. Not even New Year's Eve... _No,_ he told himself, _now is not the time to think about that._

He pushed the pain and jealousy away and took Peyton's hand in his own.

"Oh, Peyt." He told her softly. "Have you taken a test?"

She shook her head. "I know I should, but..."

"Honey, you have to." Kelly broke in. "I know it's scary, but you have to know. I know, why

don't I go down to the drugstore and get you one and then you can take it here. Alright?"

After a moment, Peyton nodded. "Okay."

Kelly smiled gently. "Good." She turned to Julian. "You'll stay with Peyton, right?"

Julian nodded. "Of course."

Kelly smiled and got up. "Okay, I should only be a few minutes."

Kelly grabbed her coat and then left.

Julian watched his mother go and then turned his attention back to Peyton. "Are you okay?" He asked her.

"No." She whispered. "I don't think I'll ever be okay again. I can't have a baby now, I can't."

Julian wrapped an arm around her. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her it would be okay, but he honestly didn't know if it would.

So he didn't say anything, he just held her in his arms and offered her what comfort he could. She could be carrying Lucas Scott's baby, which means any hope for a future with her, was now over...

.  
* * * * *

Half an hour later, Peyton had taken the test. now all she had to do, was wait and see what the results were. She closed her eyes, silently praying that it would be negative. Beside her, she felt Kelly squeeze her hand in silent comfort. Opening her eyes, she Looked down at the test and choked back it sob. It was positive. She was pregnant.

Oh, God. What was she going to do? She wasn't even seventeen yet, how could she look after a baby? "What am I going to do?" She whispered.

"I don't know." Kelly told her, taking her into her arms. "But you'll figure something out. You're strong Peyton, you'll make it."

Peyton didn't know what to say, so she just kept crying into the other woman's shoulder. Finally, she pulled away. "I have to tell Lucas." She whispered. "But I don't know how."

"Just tell him, he'll listen and he'll support you. Lucas's is a good boy and he loves you."

"I know." Peyton said. "But is love enough?"

"I don't know." Kelly told her honestly. "I really don't. But you do have to tell him. Why don't you get Julian to run you down there?"

After a moment, Peyton nodded. "Okay." She turned to Julian, who was standing by the bathroom door. "Do you mind?"

Julian shook his head. "Of course not. Give me a few minutes, to get ready, and then we'll go, okay?"

"Okay." Peyton whispered, wishing desperately that this wasn't happening. That anything but this was happening. She just didn't know what she was going to do. It felt like her whole world was falling apart.

A few minutes later, they were in the car.

"Peyton, I'm sorry." He said quietly.

"So am I." She whispered. "I know a baby is a miracle of life, but... Right now, it doesn't feel like a miracle."

Julian didn't know what to say. She looked so lost and alone. "I don't know if this helps." He told her. "But I'll be there for you, I'll always be there for you."

Peyton smiled. "I know. You're my best friend. The best friend I've ever had. Julian, I am sorry if I hurt you this year."

"I know." He told her. "And it wasn't your fault. You can't help how you feel, or how you don't feel. I know that."

"I know it doesn't change anything." She told him. "But I almost wish I had fallen in love with you."

"So do I." Julian said sadly. "Peyton, I like Brooke, I really do, but..."

"But what?" Peyton asked him.

"She's not you." Julian admitted. "No one else is or ever will be."

"Oh, Julian." Peyton whispered. "I really do wish that I had fallen in love with you when I had the chance, maybe then things would have been different. Maybe I wouldn't have been in this situation."

Before Julian could say anything, he became aware of the car coming right towards him. Desperately, he tried to swerve out of the way, but he was too late and he heard a crashing sound, then the world went black...  
* * * * *

* * *

**Sorry that the chapter is short n I ended it this way, I love to leave you all hangin, you know how I work. Anyways, I will probably post the next chapter tonight sinces it's pretty much already done. Let me know what you think,**


	19. Friday January 19th

_Friday, January 19th 2001_

Julian opened his eyes groggily. "Where am I?" He wondered out loud.

"Julian!" His mother cried. "You're awake!"

Julian opened his eyes fully to see that he was in a hospital room and that his parents were sitting at the foot of the bed. "What happened?" He asked them.

"There was a car accident." Kelly told him. "You've been out for the last several hours."

"Where's Peyton?" He asked.

"She's down the hall." Kelly told him. "She's still unconscious. Julian, the other car hit her side. They don't know how bad the damage was, but she lost the baby and there was some internal damage. They don't know if she'll survive. Also, even if she does, they think that there might be some brain damage."

"Oh God." Julian whispered. "No! Can I see her?"

His parents exchanged glances. "Not right now." Paul answered. "But later, once you've seen the doctor."

"Promise?" Julian asked.

"Promise." His mother assured him. "Right now, you need to be checked out by the doctor."

"Alright." Julian agreed, knowing that she was probably right. "But I do want to see Peyton as soon as possible."

"Of course." His mother said softly. "I knew you would."

* * *

Lucas sat by Peyton's bedside, holding her hand and silently willing her to get up. "Please, Peyton." He begged. "Wake up, baby, I need to see those beautiful green eyes of yours."

"How is she?" Anna asked quietly as she and her husband entered the room.

"No change." Lucas answered. "What did the doctors say?"

Larry took a deep breath. "Well, there was some internal damage, but we already knew that. They fixed what they could in surgery, but the rest will have to wait until after she wakes up. If she wakes up. They also fear that there was some brain damage, but they can't know for sure."

"And they said she lost the baby." Anna told him coldly.

Lucas stared at her. "Baby? There was a baby?" Peyton had been _pregnant_? She was going to have his child? He couldn't believe it, yet at the same time he felt the loss overwhelmingly. For a moment he'd almost become a father, but now... Now he had lost that child, before he had even known it had existed.

"I'm sorry." Larry apologised. "I forgot you didn't know. Kelly said that she was on her way to tell you."

"Kelly knew?" Lucas asked.

"Yes." Anna said bitterly. "Apparently Peyton told _her_." It was obvious that Anna was put out that her child had confided in the other woman instead of her, but Lucas didn't know why. From what Peyton had told him, it wasn't like Anna had ever made any huge effort to be close to her daughter.

Still, he could partly understand what she was going through, because he had just realized that Julian had probably known about the baby. He couldn't help but be upset by the fact that his rival had known about his child before he had. But he knew that right now it didn't matter. All that mattered was Peyton. She had to be okay, because he honestly didn't know what he would do without her.

* * *

"Can I go see Peyton now?" Julian asked once the doctor left.

Kelly sighed. "I guess."

Julian carefully climbed out of bed, careful not to jiggle his broken arm. He had been lucky he had only suffered that and a mild concussion. The doctor said that he would be fine. He wondered why. He wondered why he got away with so little damage, while Peyton... She was fighting for her life. It wasn't fair.

It took him awhile, but he managed to slip a pair of pants on before heading towards Peyton's hospital room.

When he got there he saw Lucas sitting by the bed.

"Julian." Lucas acknowledged tersely. "I see that you made it out just fine."

"Yeah." Julian said softly. "But what I wouldn't give for it to be differently. I'd do anything to have had me the one that injured instead of her."

"I know." Lucas admitted grudgingly.

Julian nodded, but didn't say anything else. Now was not the time nor place. He sat down on the other side of the bed than Lucas and took Peyton's hand in his own. "Peyton, this is Julian, please wake up. I need to know you're okay."

As if on cue, Peyton's eyes flickered open.

Julian heard Lucas take in a deep breath, but he kept his eyes glued on Peyton.

"Julian?" She asked weakly.

"Yeah, I'm here." He told her.

She smiled, then looked around. Her eyes widened in confusion. "Lucas what are you doing here?"

Lucas looked just as confused. "Why wouldn't I be here?"

"Because I barely know you?" Peyton asked.

Lucas and Julian exchanged startled glances. What was going on? Julian felt the apprehension build up inside of him. Something was seriously wrong, why did Peyton say that she barely knew her own boyfriend? It made no sense. Julian watched as the color left Lucas's face and the hurt and his eyes. He actually feel bad for him.

"Peyton," Julian asked slowly, "what's today's date?"

"September 10th, 2000." Peyton answered. "Why?"

_September 10th_.

That was the day it all started, Julian remembered. That was the day that he had asked Peyton to meet him before school the next morning and the day that Lucas had called her up and asked her out. Julian wondered why she had forgotten everything that happened since then and what she remembered about that day.

"Lucas, why don't you go get the doctor?" He suggested.

Lucas glared at him, but silently did as he was told.

A minute later, the doctor and Peyton's parents followed Lucas into the room.

"What's going on?" Peyton asked. "Why am I in the hospital and why is Julian's arm broken?"

"You were in an accident." Anna said quietly.

"Oh." Peyton said softly. "I was?"

"Yes." The doctor confirmed. "Peyton, what's the last thing you remember?"

Peyton bit her lip. "Julian gave me a ride home from the lake, we had spent the afternoon hanging out there, and when he dropped me off, he asked me to meet him at school the next day before class. Everything after that is a blank."

Julian took a deep breath. Oh, boy.

The doctor nodded. "Thank you, Peyton." He turned to the others. "Can I speak to you outside for a moment?"

They all nodded and followed the doctor out into the hall. "Did anything significant happen after the point in time that Peyton remembers?"

"Yeah, I asked her out for the first time." Lucas said quietly. "That was the start of our relationship."

The doctor was quiet for a minute. "I see. This is a personal question, but did you father her child?"

Lucas nodded. "Yeah."

The doctor nodded as well. "I thought so. I think I know what the problem is. The trauma of the miscarriage has caused Peyton to block out any memories at all related to the baby, and that includes her entire relationship with you."

Julian gulped and looked at Lucas. He actually felt sorry for him, he looked horrible, as if his entire world had just been shattered.

Which, in a way, Julian supposed it had.

After all, he had lost the child he hadn't even known about and now Peyton didn't remember anything they had shared. Julian couldn't even begin to imagine how horrible that would be.

_I just wonder what's going to happen now._ He thought, casting a look towards Peyton's room. _Because suddenly, it's a whole new ball game..._

* * *

Haley, Brooke and Nathan waited in the waiting room for any word on Peyton.

_She's got to be okay._ Haley thought. _She just has to be. _She couldn't believe that Peyton was in the hospital fighting for her life, it didn't seem fair.

Suddenly, Julian entered the room.

"Is there any word?" Haley asked, jumping up out of her chair.

"She woke up." Julian told her.

Haley started to cry. "Thank God."

Brooke and Nathan echoed her statements.

"But," Julian continued.

"But what?" Haley asked him, scared once more.

Julian took a deep breath. "I don't know if I should be telling you this, but since you're Peyton's closest friends, I will. She was pregnant and she lost the baby."

"Oh, God." Brooke whispered. "She must be devastated."

"She doesn't know." Julian told her. "See, there's more. She has partial amnesia, she doesn't remember she was ever pregnant. In fact, she doesn't remember anything prior to September 10th of last year, the day before her relationship with Lucas began."

Everyone stared at him.

"What?" Haley asked. "She's forgotten everything that happened? How?"

"The doctors think it was the trauma of the miscarriage." he explained. "She doesn't want to deal with it, so she blocked it all out."

"Poor Lucas." Nathan said in a peculiar voice. "He must be devastated."

"Yeah." Shawn agreed. "Anyway, Hales, she's asking for you."

"Okay." Haley said, grabbing her purse. "I'll go see her."

"Wait." Julian told her. "Haley, remember she doesn't know that you and Nathan aren't together. She knows she has amnesia, but the doctor said to try and make sure that she received no major shocks. So, be careful how you tell her, okay?"

"Yeah." Haley said quietly. "I will."

Julian nodded. "Good."

"I should go." Brooke said suddenly. "Since she doesn't remember me, I don't think she'd want me to visit her. And if I did show up, I'd have to explain, and that probably wouldn't help her."

"Probably not." Julian agreed. "I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay." Brooke told him, before turning and leaving.

Haley watched her go and then turned to Julian. "I'm gonna go see Peyton now, okay?"

"Okay." Julian told her.

"Wait." Nathan said. "Hales before you do, can I talk to you alone?"

"Sure." Haley told him, waiting for him to approach her before the two of them went into the hall. "What is it?"

"This." Nathan told her, kissing her suddenly.

Haley responded eagerly, but then she pulled away.

"What was that?" She asked. "Nathan, you were the one who didn't want to get back together, so what was that?"

"I love you." He told her. "When I heard about Peyton, I thought about how devastated Lucas must be and how glad I was that it wasn't you. It was then that I realized that I never want to lose you again. Yes, we have problems, but we can work them out, I know we can. So, how about it, do you still want to give it another go?"

"I do." Haley said quietly, tears of joy in her eyes. "I love you Nathan. I always have."

Nathan leaned down and kissed her again. "I love you too, Haley James , always and forever."

* * *

Brooke sat on her bed and just stared into space. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Peyton had been pregnant. She lost the baby. She had amnesia. None of it seemed real. _But then again,_ she thought, _nothing that's happened lately seems real. _She felt so bad for Lucas. How horrible it must be that his girlfriend didn't remember him. But then again, her best friend didn't remember _her_. She felt so alone.

Peyton was her best friend, her only real friend in Tree Hill She just hung out with the others because of Peyton and now...Now, she had no one.

"Stop thinking like that." She told herself. "Peyton will get her memory back in time and everything will be okay. Besides, once she gets out of the hospital, it'll be okay to tell her what she forgot. Everything will be okay."

But somehow, even as Brooke said the words, she didn't really believe them...


	20. Saturday January 20th

_Saturday, January 20th 2001_

"What did you want to ask me?" Peyton asked Julian softly.

Julian looked at her in surprise. "What?"

"The last thing I remember is you saying you wanted to talk to me." Peyton explained. "What did you want to talk to me about? I mean, I know it was months ago, but... Since I don't remember, I want you to tell me."

"Peyton," Julian said softly.

"Please?" She begged.

Julian took a deep breath. "Okay. I wanted... I wanted to ask you out."

Peyton stared at him. "What?"

"You heard me." Julian told her. "I wanted to ask you out. I never did though."

"Why not?" Peyton asked quietly.

"Because that's when you started dating Lucas." Julian told her.

He had filled Peyton in on her relationship with Lucas the night before, and she had been stunned. "Oh." Peyton said softly. "Yes."

"What?" Julian asked.

"If you ask me now, the answer will be yes." Peyton told him.

Julian stared at her. "Peyton... You can't make that decision. There's so much you don't remember."

"I know." Peyton told him. "But I can't change that. But I do know that I've always liked you.

You were my first crush Julian. Maybe six months ago I chose Lucas, but obviously, I was wrong."

"What do you mean?" Julian asked.

"I don't know." Peyton said. "It was just a feeling I had."

"Peyt..." Julian said softly.

He didn't know what to feel. This was like a dream come true, yet... He knew it was wrong. He knew that Peyton wasn't in any shape to make major decisions.

"I understand." She told him. "You don't think I'm ready. That's okay. We can give it time, but... I think I am."

"If you still feel that way after you get your memory back, we'll talk." Julian promised her. "But if not, we'll forget this conversation ever happened, okay?"

"Okay." Peyton agreed. "But I'm pretty sure I know how I feel."

Julian just smiled sadly. "I hope so."

* * *

"Peyton has amnesia?" Tyler repeated in shock. But even as he said the words out loud, his mind was going over how that could work in his favour.

"Sort of." Brooke replied. "She remembers most stuff, except... She has no memory of anything that happened after the afternoon of September 10th, last year. Which means that she doesn't remember me **or** Lucas."

Tyler hid a smile. Even better. If Peyton didn't remember Lucas, then _he_ had a chance. He could show her how perfect they would be together and by the time she got her memory back...

Tyler couldn't wait. Maybe now Peyton would finally be his!

* * *

"Hi." Lucas said softly as he entered Peyton's room.

"Hi." She said politely.

"Peyton," Lucas said quietly, "I know you don't remember, but..."

"Julian told me." She interupted. "You and I were involved and... I was pregnant with your baby."

"Yeah." Lucas said quietly.

"Did you know?" Peyton asked him. "About the baby, I mean?"

Lucas shook his head. "No."

"Oh." Peyton said quietly. "It must have been hard, to find out after it was already gone."

"Yeah." Lucas said. "But not as hard as learning about you. I was so worried I'd lose you. I love you Peyton."

"Don't." She said quietly. "I know we were together and everything, but... But now things are different. I can't remember anything we shared."

"It's okay." Lucas said softly. "We can make new memories."

"No." Peyton told him quietly. "This happened for a reason. I think... I think that until I regain my memories, we need a break."

Lucas was stunned by Peyton's words.

They had been together for six months and there relationship had been strong, until now. Now, now it was over. At least temporarily. After a long moment Lucas nodded. "If that's what you want." He turned to go.

"Lucas." Peyton said suddenly.

He turned around.

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

"So am I." He said as he left the room.

Once he was outside, tears began to fall down his cheeks. Would things ever be normal again or had he just lost Peyton for good?


	21. Sunday January 21st thou February 9th

_Sunday January 21st_

_God, this is so hard" Lucas said, as he started to talk to god._

_Last night, Peyton, she ended things between us. I know that it's because she lost her memory and that it might not be forever. But it certainly feels like it. _

_God, a week ago I was so happy. I had Peyton and everything was going good for us, now... Now everything's fallen apart. _

_God, in one day I learnt that Peyton was pregnant, that she lost the baby, and that she doesn't remember our love for one another. _

_How will I cope? It's like a horrible nightmare. _

_I love Peyton __**so**__ much and she doesn't even remember a single thing we shared. She doesn't remember how in love we were... _

_God, it sounds so strange to refer to Peyton and I in the past tense. _

_But I have to wonder, will I ever use the present tense again or is it over for good? _

_Will things ever be the way they were?_

* * *

_January 27th, 2001 _

_Dear Diary, _

_Things are so __strange right now. _

_I mean, on the one hand, I'm happy because Nathan and I are together again and it's so good between us. In fact, it's better than it ever was before. _

_But, on the other hand, how can I be truly happy with all the stuff going on in my best friend's life? _

_It's been a week since the accident and... It doesn't look like things are going to get back to normal any time soon. _

_Peyton still has no memory of her relationship with Lucas or of anything that has happened in the last few months. _

_Because of that, nothing is the same. My only question, is, will it ever be again? _

_Talk to you Later,  
Haley_

* * *

_Jan. 31st, 2001, _

_I think my plan to show Peyton what we could have, might work. " Tyler said, to his friend who he called for some advise._

_I've been spending some time with her in the last few days and it's been good. _

_Since she and Lucas are no longer together I've been trying to charm her, so that when she i regains her memory, she'll realize that she isn't mean to be with Lucas. She's meant to be with me._

_The only problem is, while she can't remember ever having feelings for Lucas, it's obvious that she might have romantic feelings for Julian. Which, is interesting to say the least. _

_But, I know that Julian is no more suited for her than Lucas is I just have to make sure she knows that and I'm doing everything I can to make sure of that. _

_"Tyler this girl must be one fine piece of ass for you to come up with all this planning shit." He's friend said. " Cus the Ty I know wouldn't be doing no planning just to get some."_

_"Oh my friend she is way hot, I'll send you picture soon." Tyler said, as he hung up.._

* * *

_February 2nd, 2001 _

_Dear Diary, _

_Peyton still __hasn't regained her memory and it doesn't look like she's going to any time soon. _

_It's so__ frustrating. My friend doesn't even remember me. _

_More than that, it just makes things so much more complicated with Julian. _

_Just as I was starting to wonder if maybe something could happen between us, this happens. _

_Julians been so devoted to Peyton, he's rarely apart from her, and it's obvious that he hasn't gotten over his feelings for her. No matter what he says or thinks. _

_More than that, the few times I've seen Peyton, I've gotten the impression that she might have feelings for Julian now that she can't remember ever being in love with Lucas. _

_Also, Tyler's making a move on Peyton. I knew he had a thing for her, but... It just makes things more complicated. _

_Even when, if, Peyton gets her memory back, I'd bet that things are still going to be complicated. We'll still have to deal with all that happened, the only difference is, Peyton will have her memory back. _

_But with all these emotions stirred up, I'm willing to bet that she's going to have one major choice on her hands. _

_And I know, whatever she chooses, it will affect all of us. and probably break some hearts big time.. _

_Forever Yours,  
Brooke..._

* * *

_February 6th, 2001 _

_"Hey Nathan, I need someone to talk to, but I need you to promise whatever I say to you. Stays between us. You can't tell Haley or anyone."_

_"Sure man, What's up?"  
_

_"I just have to get this stuff off my mind. Since the accident, my feelings for Peyton have returned full force, if they ever went away. I love her. I always have. _

_But, even if she says that she wants something to happen between us, I know it can't. Not now. Not when she doesn't remember an important chapter of her life. _

_What I want to know, is, will it ever happen? Will we ever be together. _

_I thought the answer was no. But now, now I can't help but wonder again. _

_I like Brooke, I'm even attracted to her, but... She's not Peyton. Nobody else ever will be. _

_" Julian man you got to go with your heart, What does your heart want?" Nathan asked, but he already knew the answer._

_"Peyton, my heart wants Peyton."_

* * *

_February 9th, 2001 _

_Dearest Diary, _

_I keep wanting to remember, but I can't. _

_My mind's a total blank and it creeps me out. There are so many months of my life I don't remember. _

_So many significant events that just there aren't any more. _

_I was in love, I was pregnant, yet I can't remember any of it. It's almost as if it never happened. How is that possible? _

_How can I not remember falling in love with Lucas? _

_I've tried so hard to remember something anything__, but there's nothing there. I mean, I'm attracted to him, but... I'm certainly not head over heels in love with him. _

_I know I hurt him by ending things with him, but wouldn't it hurt him more for me to stay with him when I don't feel the way I used to and I don't know if I ever will again? _

_I know I'm hurting Brooke too. I guess in the last few months we've become close, but now she's a stranger to me. At least Lucas I've known all my life, but Brooke... I can't remember ever meeting her. _

_Or her brother. But, at least Tyler doesn't expect anything of me. He doesn't expect me to remember and isn't hurt when I don't. He's just being supportive, yet I know he's attracted to me and he's certainly cute enough. _

_But I couldn't imagine anything ever happening there. Certainly not now. Not when my life is so confused. _

_Not when the only person I can imagine being with is Julian_

_I've had a small crush on Julain for as long as I can remember. _

_It's almost ironic that appears that just as he was about to ask me out, I fell for someone else. Even though I can't remember, I think I know how it happened. _

_Lucas is so... So everything. _

_I guess I was flattered when he asked me out and a little dazzled, and I didn't know that Julian would ever ask me out, so, of course I said yes. And then, I guess, I fell for him. _

_But maybe I shouldn't have, it certainly would have been simpler if I hadn't. _

_But I can't change the past, especially since I can't remember it. _

_I just have to deal and hope that someday, I'll remember. _

_As Confused as Ever,  
Peyton_


	22. Saturday February 10th 2001 part 1

**This is a very short chapter, so sorry, hope you like anyways. I've been writing my other story, please check it out. It's called. He Didn't Have To Be..**

* * *

_Saturday, February 10th, 2001_

"Hey, how you feeling?" Racheal asked as she let Peyton in.

Peyton sighed. "Confused. It's just so weird not remembering anything."

"I can imagine." Racheal said sympathetically.

Peyton sighed as she sat down on the couch. "It's so frustrating that there are all things I can't remember. Like your baby or your engagement."

Both of the events had happened during the lost months of Peyton's memory, so Racheal had filled her in when she had visited her at the hospital.

"Speaking of my wedding," Racheal said quietly, "I've been meaning to ask you. You were supposed to walk down the aisle with Lucas, are you still up for that or would you rather be escorted by Julian?"

"Julian." Peyton said after a moment. "Things with Lucas and I are so..."

"I understand." Rachael told her sympathetically. "It can't be easy."

"No." Peyton agreed. "If anything, it's definitely not that."

"It'll work out eventually." Rachael assured her. "Everything always does."

"I know." Peyton said with a sigh. "But I hope it happens soon. I don't know how much longer I can take this."

* * *

Lucas looked sadly at the pictures of him and Peyton together.

He wondered if they would ever be together like that again. Sometimes, he doubted it. The more time that went by, the hard it was for him to ever believe that things could be put right.

With a sigh, he put the pictures away and grabbed his coat couldn't sit here moping, it would drive him crazy.

So, instead he decided to go out for a drive, maybe that would help relax him.

He didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore.

Just that things were colliding far out of his grasp and that he didn't know if they would ever be set right.

* * *

Peyton left Rachael's after about an hour, turning down the offer of a ride home. She wanted to walk, she hoped it might help clear her thoughts.

Since the accident, it had been horrible. It was like she was empty.

There were entire pieces of her life that she didn't remember. Wasn't sure if she would ever remember.

And it frightened her.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts, that she began to cross the road without looking, and didn't see the car coming towards her until it was almost too late.

She quickly dashed out of the way, but she slipped as she reached the side walk and ended up diving head first into a telephone pole...


	23. Saturday February 10th 2001 part 2

_Saturday, February 10th, 2001_

Lucas couldn't believe it. "Peyton" he yelled.

He pulled the car over quickly and parked it. Then he jumped out and ran to her side.

"Peyton." He whispered.

She was laying unconscious on the sidewalk, it was obvious she had hit her head in her scramble to get out of the way of his car.

He picked her up and carried her to the car. He had to get her to the hospital, quick. She was already in a fragile state and who knows if hitting her head like that had made it worse. He hoped not. But, he was afraid, because it was beginning to look like the entire world was against he and Peyton being together and that he might never get her back.

* * *

Peyton woke up and looked around in surprise.

"Where am I?" She asked, trying to clear her head.

"You're in the hospital." Anna told her. "You slipped on the ice and hit your head."

"Peyton" stared at her mother, but then it all came back. But more than that, suddenly, so did the memories she had tried so hard to regain.

"I remember." She whispered. "I remember it all."

"Really?"

Peyton turned and saw Lucas and Julian standing there.

It was Lucas who had spoken and who was now looking at her with hopeful eyes. "You remember _everything_?"

"I do." She told him. "I remember our relationship, I remember the baby."

"Thank God." Lucas whispered.

Peyton looked from Lucas and Julian and then at her parents. "Mom, Dad, can you leave for a few minutes?"

Anna looked like she was going to protest, but Larry shot her look.

"Sure, Sweetheart." He said, leading his reluctant wife out of the room.

"I'll go too." Julian said quickly.

Peyton looked at him and then nodded. "Okay, but you can come back? I want to talk to you, too."

"Of course." He told her before leaving.

Once he was gone Peyton turned to Lucas. "Luke... Just because I remember that doesn't mean that things can be the way they were."

"Why not?" He asked her quietly.

"Because... Things have changed." She said quietly. "The memory loss triggered feelings I had buried, I need to deal with that. I also need time to morn the baby and to figure out where we go from here. Can you give me that?"

"Of course." Lucas said quietly. "If you need time, then I'll give it to you. Just remember that I love you."

"I know." Peyton said softly. "I know."

And she knew that she loved Lucas, but... At the same time... Things were more complicated now.

Her feelings for Lucas were still there, but she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with them yet.

Also, she had discovered feelings for Julian that she had kept buried, and shouldn't see what there was between them? After everything that had happened, somehow she felt like she just had to know. As if she'd regret it if she didn't find out.

"I should go." Lucas said after a moment.

"Yeah." Peyton agreed. "Lucas, on your way out, can you ask Julian to come in?"

"Sure." Lucas told her as he reached for the door, then he paused. "Peyton, is something going on between you and Julian? Is that why you need time?"

"No, yes." Peyton said, trying to think coherently. "No, there's nothing between us, exactly. But... The accident caused me to reevaluate my feelings for him and I'm not sure what they are or where we stand."

Lucas was quiet for a moment. "I see." He said finally, before leaving.

Peyton watched him go and wondered if anything would ever be simple again.

* * *

"Peyton wants to talk to you." Lucas told Julian quietly as entered the hall.

Julian acknowledged him with a nod and hurried into Peyton's room.

"Peyton?" He asked softly.

"Julian." She said quietly, smiling slightly. "Sit down."

She motioned to a chair near the hospital bed.

Julian did as he was told. "You wanted to talk to me?" He asked once he had sat down.

Peyton took a deep breath. "You told me to talk to you when my memory was back. Well it's back."

Julian stared at her. "Peyton, what do you mean?"

"I don't know." She said frankly. "Only that things can't be the way they were before the accident. It's too different now. Things have changed. _I've_ changed. I'm not sure if Lucas and I can ever have what we had and one of the reasons for that is you. The accident reawakened feelings that I didn't even know I had."

She paused and looked at him intently.

"Julian, I don't know what exactly it is I feel for you." She said after a moment. "But I'm attracted to you and I think that if I don't see what there is between us, I'll regret it."

"But what about Lucas?" Julian asked, barely able to believe what he was hearing.

Peyton sighed. "I don't know. It's complicated and not just because of this. The accident changed a lot of things and I know that I need a break from Lucas to see what there really between us. But this is separate from that, yet attached to. I mean, if I really feel something for you, how can I go back to Lucas? It would be wrong and would end up hurting us both. You understand, don't you?"

"I think so." Julian said quietly, still feeling pretty shook up.

Peyton smiled. "So, it's really all up to you. Do you want to see what there could be between us, or is it too late?"

Julian stared at her, feeling as if a dream had come true.

All he had to do was say the words. Yet, at the same time there were no words to express what he felt.

So, finally, he leaned over and kissed her gently.

It was a soft and gentle kiss. Full of tenderness.

As far as Julian was concerned it was perfect. Everything he had always imagined his first kiss with Peyton would be.

"Does that answer your question?" He asked with a smile once they pulled away.

He knew that it would be hard. That he and Peyton would have a lot to work through. Lucas, Brooke, their own relationship... But Julian knew that, like Chloe, he'd regret it if he didn't at least try.

After all, wasn't this worth taking a chance?


	24. Wedesday, February 14th Vday Part 1

**_Hey everyone, sorry for the long wait. I've been spending all my free time, writing my new Leyton fiction, He Didn't Have To Be.. So if you haven't checked it out yet, please do so. And let me know what you think. _**

**_Anyways, This is a very short chapter, I'm sorry for that, I'm kinda of stuck on where I wanted this to go, so the next chapter, might be the last one. Not sure yet, gotta think about it. Anyway, I hope you like it..._**

* * *

_Wednesday, February 14th, 2001, Valentine's Day_

Brooke sat in front of the TV, randomly flipping from channel to channel.

_Some Valentine's Day this is._ She thought morosely. She sighed and leaned back in her chair.

She couldn't help but wonder what Julian was doing, yet deep down she had the feeling that he was with Peyton. She knew that the two of them were seeing each other, seeing what there was between them.

She hated the thought, but she understood it all the same. Peyton's amnesia had thrown a spoke in everything. Peyton needed to work through her feelings and so did Julian, but it still wasn't fair.

Though, Brooke knew if she felt that way, that Lucas had to feel a thousand times worse, yet it was hard to remember that. All she knew was that she was alone on Valentine's Day while the guy she liked was out with one of her best friend.

Her life sucked.

* * *

Lucas hit the pool balls angrily. It was Valentine's Day and he was by himself, while his girl was "figuring things out" with another guy.

A part of him understood where Peyton was coming from, but it still hurt like Hell. He had thought about asking another girl out, but the truth was, he didn't want another girl. He only wanted Peyton, which just made everything else worse. He wanted Peyton and she was going out with Julian. Life really sucked.

_It's only temporary._ He tired to reassure himself. _Peyton will have her experience with Julian and realize that he really is just a friend to her and that she loves me. _

He had to keep telling himself that, otherwise he'd go insane. Peyton had to choose him in the end. She just had too.

* * *

Peyton sat there at the Tric with Julian and wondered if it was normal to be thinking about another guy. This was her second date with Julian and it just it didn't feel right, no matter how hard she tried.

She just couldn't get Lucas out of her mind. It was Valentine's Day and she was with Julian, they were seeing what there could be between them, yet it was _Lucas_ she couldn't get out of her mind.

_Maybe, that's your answer._ A little voice in her head told her. _Maybe you never needed an experiment at all. _

Peyton shook her head. No, she had done this for a reason. She needed to see what she felt for Julian and if it was more than friendship. Besides, now that she had started it, she owed it to them both to go through with it, didn't she?

* * *

Julian sat there, watching the odd expression on Peytons face. He knew that she was thinking about Lucas and for some reason it didn't bother him like it should. Thoughts of Brooke kept crossing his mind, that and the fact that he had everything he'd ever wanted and yet...he wasn't happy...

"This isn't working is it?" He said softly.

Peyton blinked and then nodded. "No." She admitted. "I guess, I guess our time passed us bye. I'm sorry, Julian."

"I'm not." He told her squeezing her hand. "Now we know. Now neither of us has to wonder."

Peyton nodded. "You're an amazing boy, Julian Baker. I hope you know that."

"And you're an amazing girl, Peyton Sawyer." Julian told her. "You're just not _my girl,"_

She smiled and blushed.

"Now, go find Lucas and tell him how lucky he is." Julian told her without an ounce of regret. Peyton would always be special to him, but as a friend, nothing else, he knew that now.

"Only if you go find Brooke and, tell her how lucky she is" Peyton repiled. " Come on friend lets go get are other halfs." she smiled, as Julian took her hand,

* * *

Well, their friends spend Valentine Day sad, and depressed. Haley and Nathan, had a wonderful day together,

"You look so beautiful." Nathan said, as he reached over in grabbed her hand.

"Thank, Nath" Haley said, as she blused. Today had be a really good day, even thou she was worried about her friends happiness, she decided to push them aside tonight. In just be happy. "Nathan, I want to thank you again, for the candy, roses, teddy bear, and this amazing dinner your mom fixed," she smile

"How did you know my mom fixed it?"

"Honey you suck at cooking." she give him a small smile, than laughed."But I still love you anyways."

"Good, I love you to, Marry me?"


	25. Epilogue

**Well, people I have decided the time to end this story has come, I'm just not into writing this anymore. So I'm sorry if you don't like the ending. But the way I look at it, as long as the end game endings with Leyton together, then it's a great ending.**

**It's a short chapter, I might start another follow up story to this later, not right now cause I have other stories I've been working on. So thank you to all who has review and to the once who had readied it. Please contuine to read my other stories, Especially these ones...**

** Prefect Match, **

**He Didn't Have To Be**

**Family Friend**

**Behind Her Hazel Eyes**

* * *

Epilogue 

_Friday, May 25th, 2001  
_  
"It's been quite the year hasn't it?" Haley asked as she, Brooke and Peyton as the prepared for the Last Blast Dance.

Brooke laughed. "That's for sure. Love quadrangles, teen pregnancies, car accidents, amnesia, we've had enough drama to last us a lifetime."

"Here, here." Peyton echoed. "Oh and you forget an engagement " she said looking at Haley who blushed, Haley said yes to Nathan, the two decided to wait till after graduation to tie the knot.

Peyton was glad that everything had worked out in the end. She and Lucas had reunited, and they were more in love then ever, there relationship was stronger, she actually was thinking of what life would be like as his wife one day.

Julian and Brooke had finally gotten together, and were beyond happy.

And the friendship between the six of them was stronger than ever before.

Peyton had no idea what the future, or even senior year, was going to bring them, but she knew that they were going to get through it together.

"What are you thinking about?" Brooke asked, wrapping one arm around Peyton's waist, as Haley did the same from the other side.

Peyton smiled at her two best friends. "I was thinking about how awesome we are." She said truthfully. They both laughed.

"Yeah we are pretty awesome, and pretty hot "Brooke said smiling "And we have hot, wonderful, amazing boyfriends." she laughed

"So true" Haley said,

"Yeah we are some lucky girls" Peyton told them

"Damn lucky" Haley said,

"We better get downstairs!" Brooke squealed. "The boys will be here soon!"

She and Haley released Peyton and the three girls scrambled to get ready. A few minutes later, they descended down the stairs, where, sure enough, their Prince Charmings were waiting.

Peyton watched Brooke step into Julians open arms and Haley run into Nathan's, before going over to Lucas and doing the same.

"I love you." She whispered in his ear.

He smiled down at her. "I love you too."

She snuggled contentedly in his arms as Brooke's mother arranged them for photos. It had been a weird year, that was for sure, but everything had ended up just the way it was supposed to.


End file.
